a poem i hope you never see

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i have cried myself to sleep
i have screamed at myself in the mirror
i have tried to run away

i have punched walls
i have cried in the shower
i have alone sat in darkness

i have written songs
i have had fantasies
i have written poems

i have stopped myself from calling you
i have wrung my hands
i have cried in my car

i have prayed for you
i have seeked help from the devil
i have lost faith in God

i have lost sleep
i have felt guilt too ugly to face
i have known the truth the whole time

i have bitten my fingernails
i have chewed my lips
i have tried to rip out my hair

i have had puffy eyes
i have looked in the mirror and seen UGLY
i have imagined us together

i have wanted to die

and you caused it all. all of this.

but i know you would be devastated if you were reading this now,

so this is a poem i hope you never see.

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