I Saved The Gangster

12|We Know|

They all got comfortable on the couch while I stared blankly at the television. I can do this, I repeated to myself, over and over again.

It's not that bad, right? Just a movie, it's just a plain old movie but boy, I'm wrong. My heart was slowly constricting and I pulled the blanket sheets to cover myself while I sat.

Vincent was sitting next to me and I swear to God, he can feel my uneasiness. "You okay?" He asked with a lace of worry in his tone.

I hesitantly nodded and thankfully, he handed me a glass of water. What's so bad about watching a redhead girl who refuses to be a princess to follow her heart?

Merida. I was just like her before. I got up to my feet, my heart still pounding in my chest and Darren seem to take notice.

"Since your movie is dead-ass boring, I'll just take some fresh air. Cassidy, wanna join?"

What are you planning to do?

I joined him and we sat outside. The cool air hugged me as I recovered from that mini panic attack. When did that last happen?

While we both sat outside, I took deep breaths and my eyes were red because I fought a battle of not crying a while ago.

"Cassidy," He whispered.

"Yeah?" I asked, acting as if nothing happened.

"What happened back there?" Lord, why does he have to ask? "N-nothing."

Of course, he wouldn't buy my attempt to convince him. Now, he was sitting while I was standing, looking over something to distract me.

"You can tell me everything, you know? I may be that annoying douche bag but I'm good at listening to people." His words were very comforting.

I took a deep breath and prayed that nothing bad would happen if I opened up. It's a good thing that I do not cry in front of people, I am not that weak.

"How did he survive it?" I asked him. I expected him to have a confused look or tell me, "what are you talking about?" but he didn't.

Darren wasn't surprised at all and it made me feel scared. "Comatose, three weeks." Still, I fought hard to keep my tears and keep myself breathing.

"So all this time, you knew?" I hope he didn't but deep inside me, I know that he knew. He nodded instead of giving me a response.

"We all knew except for him."Is that why they have been so nice to me? I hope that they don't plan on telling him, at all.

I slumped in my seat, not knowing what to say or what to do. I thought that I have kept it to myself. I thought that no one would know but I'm wrong. I was always wrong.

"Thank you. For not telling him," I shyly smiled.

He patted my back and sat close to me. "But why Cassidy? I have been waiting for that day when you tell him," he sighed before continuing, "he may have lost his memories but his feelings are still in there, you didn't lose your memories, Cassidy."

Yes, it's true. I didn't lose my memories but that doesn't mean that I would want to push myself into his life again. He's living happily, I don't want to take his happiness anymore.

"You are my happiness, Jewel."

His words echoed in my head, hunting my memories. Even in my head, it's him who appears. "He deserves to be happy, Darren."

Darren looked at my eyes like he was looking for something. He was looking for the old Cassidy, the one who used to be called Jewel.

"You're the second name is Jules? Cool! Now, you're my jewel." He smiled.

My head throbbed in pain. Whenever I remember, it's like my past is consuming me.

"You used to make him happy, Cassidy. You knew each other since you were kids, grew up together, went to school together. Don't you think it's 'fate' that brought you both here in San Fransisco?"

He's right. We both stood by each other's side since we were kids. He saved me from the people who made fun of my hair, the people who bullied me. From that time, I had a best friend that I thought I would have forever.

When we moved from Illinois and lived here in the bay area, I never thought that I would see him again, I didn't just see him, I went to school with him.

Since freshmen year, I hid from him. I kept my head down, thinking that he would never notice me. Brandon Hunter, once he was my Brandon.

"I miss him, Darren. Damn, 'miss' isn't even a word to describe it," I said. It's true, I never stopped caring.

"How did you do that? No emotions, no feelings, no nothing. Since freshmen year, I annoyed you, hoping that somehow, the both of you would notice each other.

Guilt was eating me, you know? Don't you think Brandon ever dreamt of you? Hell, Cassidy, he got into this streetfighting gang just to let out all his anger.

He feels so fucking empty. One word hunting his mind, one name, 'Jewel.' I had to make this perfect story of his childhood just to keep everything for him. I had to be there for him.

Every day he would beg me to tell him if I knew anything about the vivid memories that keep on coming back to him, he would just zone out and the next thing you know? He's punching anything he sees."

His words shocked me, how could I never think of that? My best friend, in pain, just because he couldn't remember his past. His past with me.

"It should have been me," I whispered. Tears were now threatening to fall from my eyes.

"No, don't you dare say that, Cassidy! No one deserved to be in that accident. I'm sorry that you lost your mother and your best friend. You didn't deserve to go through that but you can get your best friend back, Cass. He may not remember those memories but you can always create new ones.

He's not letting you in because you're not letting him in either but I'm fucking thankful for that day that you saved the both of us, it's the reason why he's starting to get to know you again."

What should I do? I don't know what else can happen to my fucked up life. When I lost him, my soul shattered into a million pieces that I don't even know if I can still put it back to its right places.