16. The One Where Brenda Screams

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❝A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

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❝A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.❞

—Lao Tzu

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💔 BRENDA 💔

Waking up in the morning has been hard for these last couple of weeks. But none of it, not the heartache from our initial break up or the strain from the funeral, can amount to the level of pain that coursed through me after hearing that. Hearing Harris say, as clear as day, that he officially was someone else's in the most permanent way dug the knife deep.

I didn't want to come off bitter, though that was all I could taste coating my tongue. "That's...that's great news. I am happy for you."

"No, you're not. You don't have to paint a smile on to fool me you're ok." He motions to the stained sweats I'm wearing and the oversized Richmond sweater I stole from Scott. "I've never seen you dress like a mess like this before. The breakup must've hurt bad."

I snorted. "I haven't been ok in a long time, Harris. Life hasn't been easy on me lately."

"Oh yeah?" he huffed, "What happened? Did you flunk a test?"

Of course, the first thing he'd think of was my academic stress. He knew me to be high strung when it came to school, constantly cramming any available time with studying. But Harris knew me better than that. Or at least, I hoped he did. He was trying his best to shield off any emotion, acting as tough as possible. He understood something was wrong with me. The issue was though, that he was too mad at me still to care about my pain.

I wheezed. "My mom died earlier this month."

That smug, cocky expression of his melted away. "Fuck, I'm sorry, Brenda. I didn't hear about that." Harris set his red shopping basket on the floor, gaiting up to me with his hands stretched out. I was overwhelmed when he embraced me, smothering me in his lovely scent. My body fit so well into his. It hurt to know I'd never experience this again.

"How's Wendi taking it?"

I battled against my sadness, but failed when a tear fell down my cheek. I rushed my fingers up to my face to catch it before it hit the collar of my sweater. "She's hanging in there. She's helping my dad out as much as she can. I can't be thankful enough for that."

He eased me out of his arms. If I could've controlled it, I wouldn't have let go so soon. I wanted to remain in his hold for an eternity. At a time, I thought I would get the chance to stay there, close to his chest, every night until the day I'd die. That wasn't the case anymore. I lost my opportunity.

"Harris?" someone from behind us called out.

He completely let go, stepping around me to face who had said his name. "I'll be out in a minute, mom. Give me some time."

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