THE STORMS WITHIN

Learning to trust the Fate...

Much can be said about fate. It presents lessons of light oftentimes disguised as painful pebbles one must step on in order to make it through the day. It also presents challenges believed to be unbearable and impossible to overcome, until they are... But whatever can be said about fate, can also be summed up in a few wise words: one's fate cannot be taken away from them, because that gift is meant only for them...

Can sat in the passenger seat of his car. He still felt odd sitting on that side of his pickup, and it was not because Sanem sat behind the wheel. Though he trusted her, he always seemed to recall her extreme driving skills when she first sat behind the wheel of his white mustang on their way to Agva. His heart flipped during that trip, and not in a good way. As they drove to see Bulut, Can could not help himself to look at Sanem. She was the first woman, and the only woman, who he felt comfortable with just sitting in silence. She was a storm of words, but it was in her silence that he was learning to find refuge. A refuge that matched his yearning for an inner peace and balance.

Can wondered why Sanem wanted to visit Bulut. He was going to invite his newfound brother so that Bulut could spend some time with his nieces and nephew, and Sanem threw him a curve ball by announcing that they would go to see him instead. He wondered if Sanem spoke with Bulut about everything that happened in the last few months. He looked out the window, and saw a lone bird flying pass their car, way high up in the sky. He paused for a moment. He realized that Sanem filled his heart with so much hope and love that he no longer saw himself in that lone bird - he now saw Bulut in it. He turned to Sanem, and decided to ask her about the day she met Bulut.

Happily preoccupied with an argument with her inner voice about the necessity of having verified the way to where Bulut was staying before making the journey, Sanem did not hear Can's question about how she met Bulut. So when Can asked again, her eyes flashed at him in a not-so-rageless gaze. She realized that since Can got used to her inner voice, she often assumed he could hear it himself. She apologized for her raised voice quickly, and caressed his cheek with her soft and seemingly fragile hand. She asked him to repeat his question, and when he did, that spark in her eye dimmed considerably. Her eyes grew wide and suddenly sad. She became quiet, then ran her fingers through her hair. Her ring got caught in the strand of the hair clipped with the albatross pin. She let it stay there, as if she was thinking about something, or rather trying to recall it...

She slowed down the speed of the car, and pulled over on the side of the road. She asked if they could switch sides, because she did not want to be late in visiting Bulut, but she also knew that she would not be able to concentrate on driving either. As they did, and Can got back on the road, Sanem pulled his hand toward her. She brought it next to her heart. That sight, that feeling of her hand holding his was one of Can's favorite. Sanem sighed, and closed her eyes. When she opened them, Can realized she was close to tearing up. He asked if she was alright, and she replied that she will be, once she finished. He had asked how she met Bulut? She would tell him. She met Bulut on Can's birthday...

Can looked at her, and immediately regretted asking her about it. But she shook her head, and said it was alright. She went back to the days after Can left, following Yigit's accident. Though words came hard to her now, she knew they would be better said than kept inside. So she continued. She told him that many had tried to comfort her after he left her brokenhearted. But it was of no use. He was gone, and so was her will to live. The only person that could get through to her was Ceycey. Ceycey... He was the only one who understood the pain and inexplicable darkness of the void in her heart because her beloved albatross was no longer by her side, no longer holding her hand...

She spoke as quietly and calmly as possible. She revealed to Can that Ceycey had spent countless nights at the Aydin's home, by her side, keeping her company on a mattress on the floor in her room. And all of those nights were restless and sleepless nights. She would fall asleep from exhaustion for less than mere minutes, only to wake up screaming for Can's hand that was too far away for her to grasp. She would wake up into the nightmarish reality, and each time she would realize that was her burden to bear. It was her punishment for not reaching for his hand when he offered it to her that day back at the hospital.