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TITLE OF THE STORY : YOU'RE NOT ENOUGH. AUTHOR :thereale1 REVIEWED BY : CARINO
First of all, your story contained 85 chapters and I had made up my mind to read only 15 but dude, I couldn't stop reading. I had to force myself to stop and write this review.
Starting with the review :
TITLE :
I actually like the title. It's short but still elegant and catchy. It perfectly depicts the story. When I read the title, I was already intrigued and believe me, it took the story to a whole new level.
COVER :
The cover was good but too basic. I would suggest you to look for readymade pictures instead of a sketch. If there is anything that will divert readers from reading your story, then its the cover.
BLURB :
Your blurb was good but a bit simple, include some punchlines. I had a perfect line in my mind, maybe consider adding this. "She was stuck in the middle. Neither life wanted to accept her, nor death willed to take her." Lines like them attract readers
VOCABULARY :
Your vocabulary was basic. I didn't find much complex words in the whole story but I'll suggest you to keep it that way. I loved it as it was.
GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION :
There weren't much grammatical or punctuation errors. I just noticed some typos which will be gone if you proofread them.
PACE OF THE STORY :
The pace of rhe story was on point. Nothing seemed to be rushed or slowed.
CHARACTERS/DIALOGUES :
The dialogues were perfect and felt like a real conversation. It didn't feel scripted so good job.
I think you need to develop Ryder's character. Throughout the story I didn't come to know whether he loves Jayda or just wanna have sex with her. I didn't know why he acts so weird. He hurts her and then the next second asks for an apology. If it happened once or twice, it was understandable but it was more frequent than it should be. Apart from it, all other characters were perfect.
DESCRIPTIONS :
You did describe the characters but that wasn't enough. I read the whole story and I only know that Jayda was a brown girl with curly hair ( you mentioned the length but I don't remember it ) I always say it and I'm saying it again..., just describing hair or skin color isn't enough. Tell about her face shape, about her lips, about her eyes.
STORYLINE :
The storyline was great. I just don't know why I ship Jayda with both of the boys. I mean, I like Caleb and Ryder both. Thats was the only thing I didn't like. Make one look good and the other bad. You'll have to make the reader's hate the side guy before its too late. And another thing : Taking drugs has many side effects. I don't know how her parents don't know about it, how they don't ask her who sold her the drugs. When she was admitted in the hospital, they would have run many tests. How come they never knew that she takes drugs?
OVERALL ENJOYMENT :
I enjoyed the story and would definitely read more.
OTHER THINGS :
Okay, I'll be honest with you. When you told me your story was mature, I didn't expect what all it contained. I've read many stories that includes suicides, violence, self harm and other triggering things. But when I was reading your story, at point I felt like I should stop, maybe because I'm a teenager and relate to her. ( Not on the drug and suicide part but definitely on the parents part) You have a way with words. I never imagined a story so well. Believe me, before this, a book never made me cry. Hats off to you Man/Woman. Your story was perfect and the best I've read so far. I hope you'll get what you deserve. Thanks for giving me a chance to read this wonderful story
