Give Me One Good Reason (prev: 13 Reasons) (HIATUS)

(24) The Price of Confession

Kim Mitzuki's P.O.V.

I felt Suga's hot tears drip on my skin. Looking up to the glossy eyes of the person I'd called out to a few hours ago, without knowing he would hear, I felt cracks reappear on my heart.

I can well imagine his grief. I doubted that this soft-hearted man had ever had the chance to mourn the loss of his partner, and everything he'd known for as long as he'd worked for Izuka. To me, it would have taken mettle to steal anything from that bastard, Izuka Yang. Any person who was ever thought to have taken anything my greedy ex, whether the charges were real or imagined, if Izuka believed it was his then that person ended up dead or missing...

Gingerly taking the matte black hard drive as if it were a stick of lit dynamite that would set the night alight if I should drop it or let it go, I shivered in spite of the warm arms secured around me. A thought flitted across my mind, wondering if there'd been anyone to help Suga hide this from my ex and I prayed he wouldn't be returning to Izuka once he left to investigate an alleged sighting of me from a traitor.

I don't remember much about those who'd worked for Izuka; too often I was beaten, messed up, spaced out, drugged out or fucked up. Once in a blue moon a select few of my ex's minions would risk a flogging to help me, if only to slip me some pain relief pills or a mouthful of water. 

Tears slipped from my own brown orbs as memories resurfaced and blurry images flashed quickly in my mind; the salty fluid inching its way over the waterline and etching a trail down my cheeks like raindrops against a windowpane. I stared into glossy violet eyes and let my heart do the talking.

"Suga, th-thank you! I-it would have taken s-so much courage for you to g-get this for me. I.. I just-"  I began, my stuttering easing but my voice was thick with the emotions flowing through me like the tide on a beach, reaching out then fading away over and over.

"Thank you. Thank you for always being there for me. Lan Wuxian and Lan Yibo have looked after me for this year, they scraped me off the street when I was damaged beyond repair. These wonderful men and their family have shown me the same care and hope I always felt from you. Even when you were under Izu- His orders to.. do things. Until today I-I didn't know, I... I still felt like there had to be something more than what I was used to. Only in the last week had I even considered dating someone, not having sex, just... just going out to have coffee with someone in the daytime. I-I couldn't do anything more... I-I just... 

"Min Suga, my Suga, my Yoongi. I missed you. Lan Wuxian was right when he compared the way Lan Yibo loving him is the same as me loving you. Gods help me but I would do everything again if it meant I get to meet you. A hundred times over I would... but... I-I... I need.. I want.. I want you to want me. I mean I know you probably still love BamBam and you don't feel the same way about me but I want you to at least believe that I love you with all my heart. 

"The men sitting at this table tonight are the ones who have shown me how to be well and live again, how to take care of myself and others. I want you to stay with me because I can't confront Izuka Yang if you aren't here with me a-and I can't face him by myself... I-I can't... I need you to be with me. Please... Min Yoongi, I need you. Please don't make me do this alone - please don't make me face him without you."

Despite my words I wasn't brave enough to face the man keeping me in his arms so I tilted my eyelids down and buried my face in his shirt which was still wrapped over my fists where I'd grabbed him. My heartbeat became erratic, my breathing shortened and apprehensive feelings confused my thoughts. I was too afraid to see how Suga was reacting to my disarrayed confession of sorts and I desperately hoped he wouldn't take it the wrong way - like I'm only saying it because I am making fun of him, belittling him or his feelings.