Breaking In

Chapter 6:

"Jessa, you look amazing. I almost didn't recognize you!"

Gabby called from across the parking lot and waved to me as I walked up to the restaurant door. She texted me earlier in the afternoon while I was eating my delicious ice cream cone to meet up with her at this little arcade gaming restaurant across town.  I wasn't sure about going there since they served alcohol and I was trying to actively avoid every place that could trigger me. 

I decided to take a chance.  I would have to learn how to deal with real-life situations sooner or later.  It was just happening a little sooner than I planned. It would be a good way to test to see where I was at with my recovery. If I felt uncomfortable, I could always tell her it was too much and just leave.

I fluffed my tousled hair and looked down at my outfit.  I was wearing black ripped skinny jeans, knee-high boots, and a studded belt with a chain on it.  I had decided on a casual band t-shirt that hit me just above my belly button.  The shirt was asymmetrical at the top and bottom. It was made to fall off one shoulder. I had placed a tight gray ribbed tank top underneath it to make it a little more modest.  I actually decided to put on a little makeup too.  I hadn't worn makeup since before I was admitted into the center.  It felt really nice feeling like a girl again.

I looked over at Gabby's outfit.  She was in tight blue jeans and a white boho chic top.  Gabby was gorgeous, perfectly thin with just the right amount of curves.  She may have been older than me, but she still could pass for late twenties in the right light. She was one of those genetically blessed individuals that looked amazing without trying. She was a natural beauty and probably had guys falling all over her everywhere she went. 

"You look great too."  I smiled.

She pulled open the door and held it open for me.  When I walked in, I was smacked in the face by the loud sounds of chatting people and the flashing of the lights from the games.  This place was packed tonight.  Everywhere I looked, there were crowds of guys and girls holding drinks in their hands.  I swallowed, feeling the pull to go order myself something to take the edge off.  This was a lot more difficult than I imagined.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" I yelled at Gabby as she looked around smiling.

"Don't puss out, Jess. This is going to be fun."  Gabby hollered back. 

The hostess walked us back to the table and we ordered some appetizers and drinks.  I chose a raspberry lemonade and Gabby got a virgin Pina  Colada.  At least Gabby wasn't planning on drinking tonight either.  I didn't want to be a Debbie Downer and ruin her fun, but if I was going to be her friend, I couldn't let her slip either.

When the hostess walked away, Gabby went straight into interrogating me about my life.  She was fascinated with my condition and how different I was off my meds. She was asking me so many questions, my head was spinning.  I had never met someone so interested in learning about my disorder. 

"So, you can't even stop it? Does that make you like a nymphomaniac?"  She asked with her mouth hanging open. She had asked about the manic episodes when I told her I had a lot more trouble with them than the depression side of the disorder. 

"No, it's not even really about the actual experience or pleasure I get from doing it.  Sometimes no matter how hard I try, I have no feeling at all when it happens. I feel like I have to do it and I don't know why. Sometimes I can't even remember what I did. I lose snippets of time when it gets really bad."  I said honestly.  

"So your medication helps with that part too. Well, how do you know if you really like someone or if it is because you are just in that kind of mood? That has to be confusing." 

"How does anyone know?"  I countered.

"Point taken."  She laughed at me.

We bullshitted for another fifteen minutes waiting on our drinks and food.  It was taking forever, but the company was good, so I didn't mind too much. 

Gabby decided after a few more minutes that she couldn't wait and had to use the bathroom.  I was a little skittish about being left alone but following her to the bathroom sounded weird since we had just met.  I decided staying put was my best option.

I sat there silently tapping my fingers against the table.  I began singing to myself when it became apparent the Gabby was going to be gone a while.  I wondered what was taking her so long. 

The waitress apologized for the wait when she brought over our drinks and appetizers. My mouth was watering as I looked down at the fried foods.  The treatment center had a terrible food service company; everything tasted like cardboard.  This was going to be a real treat tonight.

I had ordered the fried mozzarella sticks. The cheese was bubbling and oozing out the ends in the basket. They smelled amazing.  Gabby went with the breaded mushrooms, which sounded terrible. They didn't look much better either. They resembled leprechaun sized fried penis heads.

Fried cheese sounded much better than fried fungus any day of the week.

The waitress threw two game cards on our table that came with the appetizers and drinks we ordered.  One whole hour of mindless fun once we swiped the cards.  I wasn't in the mood for games, but I could try to fake it. I was overdue to let loose in an innocent way. 

I picked up my lemonade and took a quick sip.  It was absolutely delicious.  It had whole raspberries floating between the ice cubes and the raspberry syrup made the drink look pretty. It would have been better if it was spiked with vodka, but I wasn't drinking anymore, so this was as close as I could get. Maybe I could pretend to be drunk. 

It would be the same, right? 

Good Jessa came out and scolded Bad Jessa.  She sent her to her room for trying to coerce me into misbehaving.

I lifted one of the gooey mozzarella sticks up and dipped it in the marinara sauce.  I stuck it in my mouth to bite off a piece. I sucked in a sharp breath trying to get cool air when it burnt the shit out of the roof of my mouth.

That fucking hurt.

I quickly grabbed my drink and took another big gulp to soothe the sting.  I was mid drink when Gabby came prancing up to the table.

"Hey, look what I found."  Gabby said to me. 

When I looked up again, I spit my drink halfway across the room.  Gabby had her arm linked around a clean-cut, nicely built boy.  I say boy because I knew for a fact that he was at least a good ten years younger than her. 

What really caught me off guard was the gorgeous blond boy standing next to him who was taking a drink of beer out of a dark bottle.  He pulled it away from his full pink lips while laughing at Gabby and the guy she was linked to.

The laughter was haunting and mesmerizing at the same time.  I couldn't take my eyes off of him.  I couldn't move and I sure as hell couldn't breathe.

"Hey boys, this is my best friend."  She said, pointing over to me. 

The blond boy's head snapped in my direction and his smile fell from his face.