Crumbled dreams ( forthbeam) [Completed]

4

“DAMN IT. WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU? YOU HAVE TO DELIVER THIS FILE AN HOUR BEFORE BEAM. BECAUSE OF YOU, I HAVE TO FEEL EMBARRASED IN FRONT OF THOSE INVESTER.”
Forth yelled at Beam. He was mad. Really mad. Beam on the other hand, crying, saying sorry numerous times. He really did tried to reach here fast. But he couldn’t. This city was not like his small town. He got overwhelmed by the speedy and crowded thing here. Living his whole life in small town, he never experience all this rush life in big cities like Seoul. It’s only himself, who knew, how hard it was for him to catch all those crowded buses and everything. And the raining also didn’t help either. He really tried his best, but it all go in vein, like how his attempt to get government job.

He stand their silently, crying his heart out, while forth was yelling at him and telling him how irresponsible he was. The door opened, beam didn’t dare to look anywhere other than his feet. Whoever he was, Forth’s mood lightened due to his sudden visit. Forth told him to leave. Which he hurriedly do. While he was leaving, he heard when the stranger asked forth who he is and forth replied with. “No One.” That’s where he lost his battle. He was no one to Forth and here he was losing himself and enduring all the torture for him. At the end, no one really care about his misery.

Forth pov

I excused Beam and settled in my seat next to Lam. I am really mad at my not so worthy husband. Ahhhh, don’t thing about him. I have much work to do. I looked at the figure in front of me. Lam. At least the day won’t be that bad, as I met one of my best friend today. It’s been nearly two months since all of us met each other. Maybe that’s why Lam is here.

Lam: Who is he Forth?

Forth: No One

Lam: You shouldn’t have been harsh on him forth. He was crying.

Forth: How could I not lam, he was late by an hour and I had to feel embarrassed in front of the investors because of him.

Lam: Things like this happens in business forth. But you shouldn’t yell at others like this. The wounds made by words, hurt more than the one with dagger.

Forth: Wahh, you are into phrases now.

(Forth tried to make the atmosphere light, he didn’t understand why his friend was being so serious about it.)

Lam: Don’t take it as a Joke forth. You should have observe him more. He must really tried hard to reach here on time. He was drenched with water and shivering due to cold. And To mention his bleeding elbow. He must have tried forth. You shouldn’t be that harsh.

I was surprised. I was so blinded by my anger, I didn’t realize in which state beam was in. Was he really bleeding? I shouldn’t have yell at him. He must have really been tried. And it’s my fault in first place. I forgot such important file at home. I should apologize to him.

It’s been a week since the file incident in Forth’s office and forth didn’t apologize to beam. He pretend like nothing happened and Beam also didn’t bring the subject. Today Forth decided to went home early. Maybe he should have not given much important to his work. Their relationship is new. He should at least give Beam same time. But the project was important also, he couldn't ignore his work because of things like this. He wanted to take things slow between him and beam.

He opened the door with his own key. The moment He opened the door. He heard the angelic voice of his husband. He followed the voice. Beam was in bathroom. Singing some song. Why the song feel so sad? Why he sound like he is in pain? Why? He listened to what Beam was singing.

I know you've got the best intentions
Just trying to find the right words to say
I promise, I've already learned my lesson
But right now, I wanna be not okay

I'm so tired, sitting here waiting
If I hear one more "Just be patient"
It's always gonna stay the same

So let me just give up
So let me just let go
If this isn't good for me
Well, I don't wanna know
Let me just stop trying
Let me just stop fighting
I don't want your good advice or reasons why I'm alright

You don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like

Can't stop these feet from sinking
And it's starting to show on me
You're staring while I'm blinking
But just don't tell me what you see

I'm so over all this bad luck
Hearing one more "Keep your head up"
Is it ever gonna change?

So let me just give up
So let me just let go
If this isn't good for me
Well, I don't wanna know
Let me just stop trying
Let me just stop fighting
I don't want your good advice or reasons why I'm alright

You don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like

Don't look at me like that
Just like you understand
Don't try to pull me back

Let me just give up
Let me just let go
If this isn't good for me
Well, I don't wanna know
Let me just stop trying
Let me just stop fighting
I don't want your good advice or reasons why I'm alright

You don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like
You don't know, you don't know
You don't know
You don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like
You don't know, you don't know
You don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like

A tear left from forth's eye. The voice of beam contain so much emotions. He could hear, beam crying while singing the song? Why?

His gaze fell on the diary on the table. He didn’t see it before. He went near.

“My life as Beam jaturaphoom”

He didn’t knew beam write diary. If he wanted to know what hurting Beam, he have to read the diary, without Beam knowing. It’s the only way. Wasn’t it would be breech of Beam’s privacy? But it would be okay. He would do in secretly. So, he picked the diary and dashed out of the apartment. Beam on the other hand didn’t even realize someone was at home. And His cold husband will now know his pain and how much broken he is now.

Now Forth will know how he had pushed once lively person on the verge of death. He will know, how he crumbled dreams of his husband.

Forth parked his car at side of road and went inside the park. There were only few people as its still time for evening. He found a perfect spot. Away from people. Under a big tree. He sat there leaning on tree trunk. Making himself comfortable. He knew it was wrong to read someone’s personal diary like this but he has no other choice. He was observing his husband for a week now, after the file incident. There was something really wrong with beam. He was much more different than the time of their wedding. He was much skinnier now. He couldn’t help but thought that beam was drifting away.

He looked at the diary in his hand. The smile automatically came on his face seeing the title.

“My life as Beam jaturaphoom.”

How thoughtful of Beam. HE opened and started to read. Not knowing what he was gonna read will make his world spin.