Under the Willow Tree | Draco Malfoy

chapter 9: how pathetic

Draco Malfoy | 4th Year

Draco was sitting in his Defense Against the Dark Arts class with Professor Moody, and he was in an especially sour mood. Pansy had been following him around all day; Blaise was being a slimy git; and Draco was still feeling miserable over his soulmate letter. He was reeling from this new information, and his entire being was terrified of his father finding out. He shivered at the thought of what would become of him if Lucius Malfoy were to learn of this predicament.

Draco was doing everything in his power to ignore the ache in his chest and pounding of his heart as the intense professor taught.

Today, Theo was out sick from class without warning, so Draco was sitting alone in his usual seat. He had nothing to distract him from the thoughts swirling around his mind about what the consequences for his soulmate letter would be.

So, as Draco wallowed in his misery and longed for the drama with Blaise and Briar that had been getting him out of bed in the morning for the past year, he absentmindedly stuck the end of his quill into some ink. With the runny, black ink clinging to the tip of his quill and no parchment on the tabletop before him, Draco came up with what was a horrible idea at the time but one of the best decisions he ever made.

Draco subtly twitched his hand as he wrote the small, curved letters of his message on the corner of his desk. He didn't know what he was trying to say in his little note, but something about venting to his lifeless desk helped him calm his racing heart, so he let his hand keep writing his confession.

Will I ever feel safe?

He stared at this miniature message at the edge of his desk and felt relieved somehow to see the words out in the world. They were small, not visible in a passing glance, but they were so huge to Draco. He realized in that moment this was probably the most he had ever shared, and it was to a bloody desk. Draco fought the urge to bitterly laugh at that.

How pathetic am I? Draco thought to himself as he tried to focus on Professor Moody's lecture with all of the attention he could muster. Maybe this kook could get his mind off his miserable life for just a few minutes.

And so, for the rest of the class period, Draco stared intently at Professor Moody during his discussion of hex defense. Draco ironically smiled to himself when he realized that maybe it would be useful for him to know how to defend himself against hexes after all.

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