Creed of the Leviathan I

36 | M + E

Mattia

Anthony's words lingered on my mind for days. And the position that Rafael had put me in was only making me stress even more.

I blamed myself for letting it get this far. If I had treated Nuelle better then she would have stayed home instead of going to work with Marissa. This would have prevented the meeting between Rafael and Marissa. Yet, then again he had always been vocal about his plans to corrupt my siblings and turn them against me.

And with the secrets that he knew about this family, he would probably succeed. With Marco wandering down his own path and Marissa slowly drifting off, it would not take much to break this family apart. Could I blame them? I wanted to, I partly did. But, I mostly blamed myself.

Being stuck in either my wheelchair or bed with nothing to do gave me more than enough time to spiral down a rabbit hole of how worse my life could get.

More than anything I appreciated Tia and Lorna's help, but I wish that I was still in her company.

Emmanuelle— I missed saying her name to her. Seeing her eyes light up whenever I called out to her or even the little scare when I said her name in a louder tone. Everything — I missed everything. But perhaps, I missed all of it because now I truly felt alone.

A sudden knock on the door snapped me out of my thoughts. I wheeled myself away from the window and turned towards the door. Surprisingly, it was Marco who walked in.

He looked rough, like he had not slept in days. I was aware that he had been missing days off work and I was planning on having a good talk with him about it, but by the looks of it this sure as heck was not the right time for that.

"Marco." I greeted him.

He kept quiet as he walked towards me and sat down in the window seat.

"Mattia." He said under his breath, his head hanging low.

"To what do I owe this visit?" I carefully asked.

He gulped and remained quiet for a longer period of time. I knew that my brother was dealing with issues that he had a hard time talking about which is why I did not rush him. I let him take as much time as he needed without repeating my question or asking any other ones.

Our relationship had been on the rocks ever since the summer after our father died and over time we had grown to accept the distance between us. So, for Marco to come to me in this vulnerable state— it meant that he did not feel like he had any other choice.

"I can't do this anymore." He buried his face in the palms of his hands.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I can't do this anymore," he uncovered his face. His eyes were red, he was on the verge of crying. "I can't pretend like it didn't happen. I can't move on, I need to know how she is. I need to know—"

"Stop. Stop. Stop." In my heart I knew that I was wrong for stopping him, but in my mind I was convinced that I was doing this for him. For all of us. "I know you feel horrible about what happened. But, you need to let it go. Look at me."

His eyes held only sadness. "I just need to know that she's doing well. That she's happy. That's all." He pleaded.

I felt tightness in my chest, pain. This was either a heart attack slowly happening or— it was guilt and sadness like I had never felt before.

"I can't let you do that." I whispered to my brother, going against my own feeling of wanting to know how she was doing. "We—"

Just as I was about to continue I heard my phone buzz. I was expecting a message from Marissa and as expected it was that message.