The Entropist- The most useless guy in the Universe

the broken machine

It wasn't my fault that the machine broke, but nobody ever believes me. When I crossed over into the third dimension I left a bunch of myself far behind, so that no earth-shattering event would occur and I'd not have to worry about the Host locking me into the white nothingness behind space and time again. It's a boring place and I don't know how many eons I've already lost to that god-forsaken dirthole. Not that the passing of time would actually affect someone like me.

However I wasn't trapped there at the moment. Right now I was trying to visit my good friend Daisy on little blue ball called Erg or something in the same vein and therefore I was trying to keep my thoughts light and happy. Daisy can't stand grumpy people. Furthermore she can't stand people that break her stuff, although technically referring to me as "people" probably was incorrect and therefore she wouldn't care, right?

"Hey Daisy", I garble, while she runs around screaming trying to put out the flames that are sprouting from everywhere across the futuristic-looking machine that she keeps in her hallway. It's an interdimensional passage for all beings a little more etheral than plain humans, although I really wouldn't need the machine to convert my energy for me. It's just the polite thing to do.

"What is happening?", Dorian cries out and comes crashing through the bathroom-door, all red-faced and agitated. He notices the flames that have started to lick the walls a little bit and nearly loses his cool. Daisy is in the process of spraying me with carbon-dioxide and I cringe at the cold feeling on my newly-attained human skin. 

Wait, that sounded bad. I didn't steel it from anyone if that's what you think. I made it. From my energy. As everyone obviously knows, energy is just matter that moves really fast and that means it is barely an inconvenience to convert the one to the other. 

Daisy looks at me with watery eyes (because of the heat, not because she is so happy to see me) and then simply drops the fire-extinguisher. She says: "Why do I even bother doing anything?" and then turns away and makes her way back to the kitchen. 

"Your books are on fire", Dorian screams, not understanding her reaction at all. Me neither. I mean, how was I supposed to know that my mere presence would wreck her machine? Why build such fragile things in the first place?

Now Dorians eyes are slowly wandering to the humanoid shape currently coughing up the carbon-dioxide from his lungs and then his face drops like a dead cow from the sky. "Oh God, it's you, isn't it?"

While I am deciphering, what exactly he means by that, the fire reaches the carpet and the smell of burning plastic starts to fill the air. Dorian runs of into the kitchen and I keep standing in the burning apparatus that is now lightly singing my newly-grown hair. I sigh and step out of the thing.

"You know, your machine really needs an upgrade."

No answer from the kitchen, just some really grumpy noises. 

The fire sizzles on while I am looking for clothing, as I stand there nakedly. I find a bathrobe that is on fire currently and put it out by rolling it around on a part of the carpet that is not burning yet. I put it on and then make my way to the kitchen.

Daisy shuts the door in my face. "Fix the hallway first", she commands and I try a new strategy.

"What's wrong with the hallway?"

"You put it on fire."

"Not on purpose."

"Fix it", she insists and I moan very audibly.

"It's against interdimensional visiting law", I start to protest.

"You just made that up, didn't you?"

I didn't, but I feel bad for the books so I do it anyway. Fire is just an ongoing chemical reaction that needs oxygen to function, but also a little push of energy to really get going. I mean, if it weren't for that, everyone and everything would  be spontaneously combusting all the time. As I am kinda made from enery and know how to handle it farely well, I simply take away a lot of that and watch as the flames die down quickly. The hallway is ruined, but the gases that were created during the fire are still in this room and so I grab all the little molecules trying to get away and put them back where they belong. Back to the carpet, the shelf, the wall and of course Daisy's machine. Although I doubt that even I could fix that. In like, ever.

"I fixed it", I say and Daisy reluctantly opens the kitchen door, not taking a closer look at the still broken machine. I mean, I made it look good again, but it'll never work like it did before.

"Please announce yourself next time", she sighs, while putting a pot of etheral black liquid on the table.

"I did."

"You did?"

"Yes", i reply and can see her brain revving its engines immediately.

"Was it the weird dreams about a this Mexican hat in space?"

"It's called Little Sombrero Galaxy and it was just to inform you about me being in close vicinity."

"Where even is this galaxy?", she wonders and I simply shrug.

"Basically, just right around the corner. I thought you knew your own block."

"My own block, alright", she repeats and then goes back to liquid-making.

"That's my bathrobe", Dorian points out rather harshly and I nod in agreement.

"Yeah, Daisy doesn't like pink", I agree and put my hands in the big fluffy pockets.

"The color is called salmon", he insists and I shake my head.

"No one in the entire galaxy would think this bathrobe is salmon-colored."

He pouts. "What in the hell do you know that?"

I think about that. "Quite a bit, actually."

---unfinished---