hyacinth - bsd reader insert

13.

(Y/n) went to the nearest park they could find first, clambering onto the rocks bordering a mossy green pond to contemplate. It's true people say the worst things when driven into a corner, they thought. 

All bravado gone, they slumped against the curvature of their bent knees drawn towards their chest. Faintly, children yelled in raucous laughter as they dashed across the green lawn. The sky was perfectly blue, dapples of clouds dashed across the sky. It was a world almost a carbon copy to (y/n)'s, yet they knew they did not belong.

Did not belong.

Dazai, when the time comes...

There's obviously an imbalance. (Y/n) knew this. They had incredible attachment to a fictional character who, in this world, was really flesh and blood. But what were they to Dazai—to anyone they knew, even? The individual, in Dazai's eyes, was simply a specimen to be understood, probably. 

A tiny part of (Y/n) hoped that their logic was wrong. 

There was no way they could accept death so easily, either. What had been a brave proposition to the bandaged man now seemed like a childish fantasy of what could be a structure of some commonplace heroics. (Y/n) was not a hero built from tragedy—they were a simple lover of manga wia damn good sense of dry humor. With lacking credentials, they knew they couldn't be like the heroes in the comics. They wanted to be selfish. 

Between saving the world by altering timelines—but was it really saving the world, or was it just an attempt on (Y/n)'s part to fix things of their own choice—or simply yeeting off into non-existence...

...now that they think of it, (Y/n) had no idea what to expect should they cease to exist in this world. There'd been no deity they'd been in contact with, so their purpose wasn't quite clear. They ended up assigning themselves their own purpose, which meant that they had no clue what would be after death. Best case scenario, they return back to their old world with a bucketload of extra trauma. Worst case...yeah.

Though, what's stopping them from just fucking around? In theory, this divergence was already separate from canon content. What's stopping (Y/n) from killing off Fyodor and ending this arc super early? Why not have some fun instead of trying to fix things and simply making things worse? 

(Y/n) stood up. 

Chuuya.

Goddamn, why'd they have to spill out their life story to the Port Mafia executive? Every single thing, despite their goal to carefully plan things to fix the story, had been mostly reactive and on the spot. It was unlikely Chuuya even believed them, but he had been serious enough during their exchange, and (Y/n) couldn't risk it. Chuuya could speak something to Fyodor, and there was no escaping that. No, (Y/n) definitely had to be as free of influence as possible.

Though the memories were faint from earlier, almost completely gone, with the new change in environment it all came flooding back. So much for Fyodor's plan. So much for Dazai's wit. (Y/n) wasn't a genius or mastermind named after a classic literary author, but they knew damn well they could try their best.

And if their timeline was correct, the whole setup between the Port Mafia vs. the ADA would be going on now. Chuuya would be stuck in the book from Poe, Ranpo would be occupied...

The damn cafe. Screw all the politics and events. (Y/n) had an impromptu appointment to make.