The Real Score

Chapter 11: Stay

Day of the interview

When Marcus and I signed on for this interview, I was nervous about the no-holds-barred part, because I knew it was going to fall on this. We were going to be asked about our relationship status—or lack thereof—and I knew it was going to be awkward.

So when Carina cued that we were going to move to the 'juicy' part of the interview, both Marcus and I leaned away from each other. I could see Issa and the rest of the styling team watching behind Carina's crew, on the edge of hearing what Gezers wanted to know for years. I was thankful that the photo shoot was done already, because I had a feeling that Marcus and I wouldn't be in the mood to have our photos taken after this section.

Carina plowed on, asking about Wayans' relationship history—which was just a rehashing, really, since everybody already knew about it. When Helena was mentioned, I tried to hold my gaze straight at Carina, not wanting to look at Marcus. I could feel him shifting uncomfortably beside me, confirming Helena's statements in the media.

Marcus dropped his head and then turned to me, and I had to look at him, feeling like his failure in his relationship with Helena was my fault as much as it was his. Helena was a scapegoat in Marcus and my failed love affair; she was what us Filipinos would term as panakipbutas. A filler in the space that needed to be filled.

I saw in his eyes the deep regret laced with anger. I made him do that to Helena; I made him hurt someone. (I know, I know—you would argue that it was his choice to stay in the relationship with Helena, but...I feel guilty. I just do.)

"I loved her, but she was right—I wasn't one hundred percent into the relationship. And it was unfair to put her in that situation," Marcus tells Carina, and then he finally faced her. "And I would like to publicly apologize to Helena for causing her pain. I am deeply sorry."

"I'm pretty sure everyone hopes that Helena can forgive you in the near future," Carina empathized, and Marcus shrugged. I watched as Carina consulted her cards and then said, "I have to ask though—you're not currently seeing anybody, are you?"

"No, not currently."

Carina turned to me, asking me about my relationship history. Beside me, I could see Marcus' smirk on his face as I tell Carina that I have no relationship to show for, and it was fear primarily that stopped me from getting into one. "What if your everything isn't enough for that someone?"

"Honey," Carina said, "I'm pretty sure that anything you can offer someone would be enough for them. To love and be loved in return is enough for most people."

Marcus grimaced. "She doesn't see it that way," he commented, and I shoved him playfully.

"He doesn't set you up on dates with his friends?"

"Well—"

"She can do fine without me," Marcus cut in. "Case in point: Perry."

I turned to him, surprised. I could hear Issa's giggles from behind the crew. "Hey, I didn't date Perry!"

"But you did think about it, didn't you?"

I turned to Carina, rolling my eyes. "Only after he brought it up."

Carina laughed, and I grinned, saying, "It's not that there aren't any of Marcus' friends to like, but I just don't want to put him in a bad position if things go south."

Marcus shook his head, his eyes narrowing at me, the accusation in them unmistakable. "Now this is why you never got into relationships. It isn't because you're scared. It's because you end things in your head before they even start. You overthink it."