𝗙𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗗 | bucky barnes

10: Things said

[three months later, June 2016]

Six months ago, the Winter Soldier wouldn't have said he needed anyone.  Wanted anyone.  Even if they didn't know who he was, he would have said he didn't want anyone to find him.

"Anyone" didn't include Catarina.

He enjoyed spending his time with her.  She took his mind off things.  She even helped him get some memories back.  Without her, he probably wouldn't have anything else on his mind but hiding and getting his memories back. 

Now, she was on his mind a lot of the time. 

He had said he had wanted to find himself. With Cat's help, he found more about himself than he would have alone.  She was smart — she knew where to look.  He had found parts of himself. With Cat's help, the puzzle of whoever Bucky Barnes was came together quicker than it would have alone.

She was there for him when he needed it.  He was there for her.

——— ✪ ⍟ ✪———

There were only so many books on World War II, and only so many that included pieces on Bucky. 

So once they were wearing thin on World War II biographies, Cat started reading up on things that help memory loss — things that could help Bucky further.

"Hey did you know plums can help with memory loss?" she asked him, as they sat at her kitchen table, surrounded by Bucky's notebooks and World War II books, most already read.

Bucky picked up his head from his book — one on the history of HYDRA. 

"Well, I'll pick some up at the fruit stand tomorrow."

Cat smiled at his reply and continued reading.

She liked the way Bucky looked when he read.  He was concentrated.  But calm.  He didn't have to think about the bad things he had done before, he didn't have to think about the Winter Soldier — he could just think about Bucky Barnes.  Remember being Bucky Barnes.

Cat smiled at him.  She didn't care what he did. She liked him.  A lot. 

Maybe too much for her own good.

Cat looked away from him and sighed.  She knew it was true.  She had to tell him, sooner or later.  And it already was later.

She took a deep breath.

"Bucky?"

"What's up?  Are you gonna tell me apples can help with limb regrowth or something?" he remarked.

"What?" said Catarina, furrowing her brows in confusion.  "No... um, that's, uh, that's not what I was going to say."

"Just joking," said Bucky, a slight smirk on his face.  "Go ahead."

"Okay, um... I — uh... I didn't want to... um, tell you this, because um... I didn't know how you would react, and I didn't know how I would... would say it..."

Catarina looked at the ground as the words stuttered out. 

"I um... I waited a long time, to make sure it was absolutely true because I didn't want to tell you if — if it wasn't... um —"

"This isn't, like, another secret, is it?  Because I don't have any more to tell," checked Bucky.

"Oh, um, no.  Not — um, not necessarily, no."

"Okay," said Bucky. "Sorry.  Continue."

He looked her in the eyes when he listened. She tried not to.

"I, um... and I... uh..."  Cat couldn't get the final statement out.

"You can tell me, Cat," he said.  "Go ahead."

Cat closed her eyes and took a deep breath through her nose.

"I um... I really like you, Bucky."  She began to look him in the eyes. "Like, like you.  I'm attracted to you."

She waited for Bucky's answer with a blank face.

"Oh, um — wow. I, um, really don't know how to answer that." He didn't look her in the eyes.

"You know what?" began Cat, embarrassed.  "Forget I said anything.  I'll get over it."

"No, I, um... I don't want to forget you said it," said Bucky.  "I just need time to, uh, think."

"Okay," said Cat. 

"Alone," said Bucky. 

"You, uh, you do that," said Cat.

Bucky stood up.

"I'll see you later, Cat."

Cat half smiled at him, and he left. 

Once the door shut, Cat sighed annoyedly at herself. She put her head down on the table and closed her eyes, hoping that when she opened them, it would have never actually happened.

"Why did I say that?" she said to herself, walking around the room and holding her head. "Why?"

She walked over to the couch and sat down, leaning over to put her head on her knees.  "I ruined it, didn't I," she told herself.  "Why did I tell him that?  Why? Why? Why?" She rocked back and forth as she repeated her words.

She got up from the couch and began walking around the tiny apartment mindlessly.

"It's done," she said.  Cat sighed.  "Why did you do that, Catarina?"

She sat back at the table and buried her head into her arms for a minute.

That is until she rethought what Bucky had said as he was leaving.

He hadn't looked her in the eyes — she wouldn't know how he felt.  His hair hid his face, in hopes of maybe hiding his emotions.  Of course, it didn't work all the time with Cat.  And she was so fed up with saying something wrong that she hadn't realized how Bucky had replied.

"He said he didn't want to forget it," she told herself, looking up.  She talked out loud as if there was someone else listening.  She liked it.  It helped her be less stressed out.

"He said he didn't want want to forget what I said," she repeated, more excitedly.  She smiled to herself.  "He said that he needed to think about it. Thinking's okay.  I had to think."

She began smiling to herself and thinking again about him.

"He said he'd see me later," she said hopefully.  "I haven't ruined it." 

Catarina had always held back her feelings.  Tried to, anyway.  She had been for the past four months.  Thinking it over to make sure it was true... over, and over, and over again. 

He was her only friend.  Ever.  She was glad it would stay that way.

a.n.:

YOU ALL I AM SO SORRY I PUBLISHED THIS LATE

yesterday was a busy day, i had lots of things to do

but here's today's chapter now, and it's a good one :)

don't forget to vote ♡

molly