Girl on Track

39| Honesty

I wake up to the feel of him stroking my hair. Still half asleep, I crack open an eye and find him staring at me with a boyish smile on his face.

"On a scale of one to ten, how much is my mom going to kill me?" I ask.

"Zero," he says, tucking my hair back. "I only let you sleep ten minutes. I don't want your parents thinking I'm a bad influence."

I glance at the clock on his wall to confirm before settling back into his chest. I hate that I have to leave soon. Hate that I even feel this way after promising myself I wouldn't; my plans to focus only on racing have well and truly been foiled.

"Maybe we should lay down some ground rules," I say.

He cocks an eyebrow before pulling me closer. "Ground rules?"

"Yeah," I say. "Like, no kissing or funny business during training."

His mouth finds my neck, and I feel his lips tilt as he plants a kiss there. "Funny business?"

"You know what I mean."

"Fine, no funny business."

"And no hiding any racing stuff from me." Or anything else, I want to add.

He frowns a little. "I did that to–"

"Protect me," I say. "I know, but I don't need protecting, Tyler; I need to win."

He sighs like I'm stubborn, but so is he; maybe we're more similar than I thought. "All right," he relents, "but please tell me that's the last of our ground rules," and he leans in to kiss me.

"One more," I say before taking a breath, because even though I'm enjoying where this thing between us is going, a part of me is hesitant. What if Alex has been right all along? What if the others have, too? Until I know the reason behind Tyler wanting to train me, I'll always have this doubt. "I need to know the truth about why you volunteered to train me. You've already made it clear that it wasn't for the bet, so why?"

I hold my breath at the same time he tenses. His answer could change everything, and while all I want is for things between us to stay exactly as they are, I have to know the truth.

"It doesn't matter anymore," he says.

Maybe if I were somebody else, this answer would satisfy me, but it doesn't. It's almost impossible to trust someone who isn't forthcoming, even if they're not outright lying. And even though I'm certain that it's going to be my downfall, I want to be able to trust him; I need to. 

"It matters to me. Don't you think as my–" I catch myself quickly and say, "–trainer, I should be able to trust you? To do that, I need to know what intentions you came into this arrangement with." 

He's quiet for so long that I think he's not going to answer. I start to grow angry and get to my feet before scooping up my things. You'd think by now that he'd be willing to trust me, that he'd want me to trust him, but we're no further forward.

"If you can't be honest with me," I say, "then this was a mistake."

I've already slipped my shoes on and I'm almost by the door when I feel him grab my hand. He spins me around until I'm forced to look up and into those dark, troubled eyes.

"Are you asking as my trainee or you?" he asks. "Because neither of you is going to like it."

"I don't need to like it," I say. "I just need to know."

"Fine." He drops my hand and turns to face the bed like he can't even look at me. "I was using you."

My mouth feels like cotton as I take a step closer. "Using me...how?"