Totentanz

Book 2 Chapter III: Die Niederlage

DIE NIEDERLAGE
German, "the defeat"

...it's my curse
To try and make it right, but by trying make it worse
-- The Amazing Devil, Farewell Wanderlust

When Diarnlan finished her story Teivain-ríkhorn-hrair sat in silence for a long time. The teapot bubbled on the stove and the clock chimed on the wall. Diarnlan waited. She tried to be patient, but as the minutes passed she grew more and more annoyed.

"Well? Can you do anything to break this curse?"

Teivain-ríkhorn-hrair started as if she'd forgotten Diarnlan was there. "You think it's a curse, then, do you?"

Diarnlan scowled. What a ridiculous question. "Of course. It can't be anything else."

"I'm not so sure. I'd think of it as more a second chance." She paused and frowned thoughtfully. "Or perhaps a tenth chance would be more apt in this case. At any rate, I'd say it's a chance to atone for the past."

It took a great deal of self-control for Diarnlan to not throw something at her teacher. "Atone for what? I have nothing to atone for!"

Her teacher nodded solemnly. "I suspect it's that attitude that keeps you stuck in this time-loop. Consider. By your own admission you lied about a young boy -- your student, no less -- and got him sent to what you thought was certain death. In the next lifetime you stood by and let the same thing happen. Both times you tormented him before then. From then on you've killed him... how many times?"

"Twice," Diarnlan said through gritted teeth. "You make him sound like an innocent victim. Aren't you forgetting that he killed me too?"

"And that, I think, is why he's in the same situation. You both have plenty to atone for."

This was starting to sound disgustingly like the twee sentimentality Diarnlan expected from the village priest. "What, do you think everyone who's ever done something wrong is forced to relive their life again and again? If so I think it would have become common knowledge long ago."

Her teacher shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe this does happen frequently. The people experiencing it would be reluctant to talk about it. Most of the world would think they're mad. At any rate, it's happening now. How and why it started aren't really important at the minute. The question is, how do you stop it? And for that I think you should talk to Karandren."

Diarnlan suppressed the urge to throw her teacup at her teacher's head. "Right now Karandren is four. I've no idea where he lives. And do you seriously think I'm going to have a friendly chat with a man who's killed me, kidnapped me, held me prisoner?"

In a maddeningly patient tone Teivain-ríkhorn-hrair said, "He hasn't done any of that in this lifetime. Why don't you try looking at each repetition of the loop as a clean slate? A chance to start over and forget everything that happened before?"

Oh, for the love of-- Diarnlan felt as if she was back in her kitchen converted into a classroom, struggling to get very simple concepts through Erdreda's thick skull. She picked up her teacup, marched over to the sink, and began scrubbing it fiercely. It was either that or give into the temptation to throw it at the idiot still sitting at the table.

A large spider, its body as long as her arm, crept up onto the windowsill. Diarnlan glared at it until it went away. She dried the teacup and left it on the counter. Only then did she feel calm enough to resume the conversation.

"Not one more word about Karandren or I'll leave right now," she warned.

Teivain-ríkhorn-hrair shook her head sadly. "You really should do something about your temper."