Totentanz

Book 2 Chapter VI: Der Haushalt

DER HAUSHALT
German, "the housekeeping"

Sometimes, Tiffany thought, I am so fed up with being young. -- Terry Pratchett, The Shepherd's Crown

Diarnlan lay awake for most of the night. As soon as the sun rose she got up and set to work on the kitchen. To avoid using too much magic she used only simple cleaning spells, but she cast them again and again until the place was spotless.

She turned the tap on. Nothing happened. There wasn't so much as a rattle from the pipes.

I'm not going to waste money hiring a plumber, was her first thought. Her second was, I wonder if there's a well.

There was no back door to the house. She went into each room to check. In the process she got a good look at the bathroom for the first time. Never in all of her lifetimes had she seen such an appalling sight. The sink was broken in half and the half lying on the floor had a nest of mice in it. They scurried away when she opened the door. The bath was coated in grime and sand. Some mysterious plant grew out of the grain. And as for the toilet... Well, the only way to make this place fit for use would be to set it on fire and build a new bathroom.

Diarnlan forgot about looking for a well in the face of this much more serious problem. She cast anti-fire spells on the hallway and walls outside. Then she set up a containing spell around the bathroom door and window. Finally she conjured up the strongest fire spell she could manage and hurled it straight into the room. The place exploded into flames. None of them got through the containing spell, but the heat they created certainly did. Diarnlan staggered back, feeling as if she'd just stepped out of a snow-drift and into an oven.

The fire blazed in the bathroom, destroying everything it touched. Diarnlan left it to do its work while she went in search of a well.

~~~~

Karandren awoke slowly. His eyes opened long before his mind started working. For ten minutes he blinked blearily at his surroundings, understanding as much of them as he would of a book written in a foreign language. Gradually his memories returned. A sinking feeling filled his chest. He sat up and looked down at himself. It wasn't a dream. He really was stuck in the body of a toddler.

In disgust he picked up a brick -- one of the ones he'd used for his ill-fated mattress-making attempt -- and hurled it at the wall. When it struck it caused a minor avalanche of plaster. Karandren watched in alarm as cracks appeared on the wall and ceiling.

"We've got to get out of here before the roof falls on our heads," he said. Diarnlan didn't answer. He looked over at where she'd slept and was annoyed to see she was gone. "If you've run off and left me here--" He broke off and sniffed. "Smoke? Diarnlan! What have you done?"

No one answered. Karandren got up and went to investigate. He didn't have to search for long. He stepped out of the living room and found himself staring into an inferno.

If he was older and taller he would have run into the kitchen to get water. Unfortunately he couldn't reach the sink in this body. All he could do was scream for help. "Diarnlan! Diarnlan! Call the fire brigade!"

The front door opened and Diarnlan scowled at him. "What are you yelling about? Can't you see it's under control?"

Karandren gawked at her. Then he looked at the fire. To his embarrassment he saw the flames were trapped behind a barrier. "What happened?"

"I'm doing some renovations."

Diarnlan swept past him into the kitchen without elaborating further.