Thea (and the hunk)

Chapter 4: telling Vivian

"So what now," I said once we were outside, "looking for a quick bonk up against the wall, are you?"

"I don't think you're the 'quick bonk up against the wall' type, Thea, and I'm certainly not. Let's just walk for a while."

As we walked, I felt that my hand was again lost inside his great fist, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Eventually I broke the silence, "You seem reluctant to tell me your name."

"Viv, short for Vivian. Like the . . ."

"The West Indian cricketer, Viv Richards. I know."

Another smile. Goodness me, you've got this bloke eating out of your hand, Thea.

"I don't suppose you cop any grief these days, but when you were a kid did . . ."

"For a short while only. I learnt to deal with it fairly quickly."

"Ah, 'A boy named Sue'," I quipped with a smile.

A laugh (wow!). "I see, a Johnny Cash fan, ay?"

"He's okay."

We walked. More chat, mostly inconsequential stuff, even some laughs. Alright, alright, it was quite pleasant and I was feeling a lot more relaxed. The lump clearly had a brain in that big head, so our exchanges weren't boring or stupid.

Then more quiet and my thoughts began to drift back to my ex. My mood went down again.

We were in the carpark and stopped next to a rather ordinary sedan. "This is my car, want to sit down for a bit."

We got in the front, not the back as I was expecting. The carpark was well lit and we could see each other clearly. For reasons I couldn't understand, I was feeling more and more angry. I wanted to lash out. Then I did something I'd never done before in my life.

"I'm transgender, you know. Post-op. Gone the whole way."

I was staring straight out the front; I didn't want to see his reaction. I waited, then turned my head, "I don't usually tell people. Shall I go now?"

Vivian was studying me with his smokey eyes, "You promised me you wouldn't storm off."

I snorted, "I'm not storming off. I thought you would want to chuck me out and sanitise the seat."

"I'm beginning to like you a lot, Thea. No way am I chucking you out."

"What? You don't mind," I laughed mirthlessly, "that I used to be a bloke."

"Thea, to me you are a beautiful young woman and very interesting. What you were before is simply part of you."

"Why should I believe you?" My voice was starting to strain.

"I'll show you, if I may," he said softly

He leaned forward and kissed me gently on my lips. I could feel my tears starting to come, but I didn't believe this. I wanted to stay angry, to tell him to stop feeling sorry for me. Instead, I whimpered, "Vivian."

He sat back looking at me with a sweet smile (really, on that mug).

I smiled back. Pulled a face at him and then leaned forward to return his kiss. What was I doing?

"You really don't . . ." but I didn't get to finish.

Vivian's face suddenly changed. An explosive "Shit," followed by, "That's what he did to you, that's how he hurt you. I'll rip his fucking balls off."

He started to move, a furious hulk. "No, Vivian," I cried reaching for him; a weak girl trying to stop an angry monster. But at the touch of my hand he stopped moving instantly. He remained there glaring out the windscreen.

"That piece of shit," he snarled, "I hate seeing people hurt for no reason, and you . . ." then more gently, "Oh, you poor kid."

"Vivian," I said quietly, "You seem to have guessed, but I'll tell you anyway."

I kept my hand on his arm. I felt strangely calm and in control of the situation.

"I've never gone in for any long term relationships, a few weeks and that's about it. Tony was my first long term boyfriend. We'd been going together for three months and I thought that it was time that I should tell him I was TG. Maybe it was my mistake going about it that way, I don't know."

"His reaction was nothing like I expected. I thought he might want to break it off and I could have understood that, but instead he got into an absolute rage."

"He started wiping his mouth where he'd kissed me a few minutes before, saying "Yuck" and other stuff. Then he started on me, calling me horrible names, anything he could think of: "freak", "weirdo", "mutant", "Satan's spawn", "alien" and on and on. Freak was his favourite, "Freaks like you should be locked up forever, you're detestable scum," and so on.

I was so astounded, so completely nonplussed, that I couldn't even cry."