Jess and Rory do overs

Do you think were suppouse to be together?

Rorys Point of View...

I stood there laughing with Dean and a pang of guilt struck me. I finally ask " Dean, how is it that you can be out like this, here, with me, or with anyone, for that matter? Where does Lindsay think you are?"

"She thinks I'm out." he says simply.

"Out where?" I continue to pry it wasn't normal for him to always be able to answer the phone to me. I knew that even though I kept calling even though I kept going along with it. And to my question he has the audacity to reply

"Doesn't matter."

I don't like any of this answers I want real solid answers, he was never a short talker why start now "Dean-"

He interrupts me and blurted out "It's not working with Lindsay. I can't make it work. I've tried."

There it is my suspicions and I can't help but feel sad for him. Even though I did tell him he was too young. Even though I told him so I wasn't about to rub it in his face. "Are you sure? Because I've heard that the first two years of marriage are the hardest."

"We're not happy. She's not happy, and I can't make her happy."

"I can't imagine that" I say honestly, he was always a good guy to me except for the occasional fights that I caused cause of Jess right?

"Yeah?" he smiles, first time he had since we started this awkward conversation.

"Yeah" I reply with a gulp. I feel him closing in. And I felt hot. I knew he was going to kiss me. I knew I should stop him. But somehow I was frozen and I let it be. Maybe it's because everyone had me prying on me being single all year. Maybe because I felt lonely and hurt and lost and confused. And any other excusable word I could use at this moment. But his kiss felt strange and distant. And I didn't want it to begin with. Then I hear the door of the building open. And I separate because standing there is the guy that made this year lonely and hurt. There's Jess. He always had a thing for timing.

"Rory what's the matter with you?" was the first words he said. I guess it was directly at who was kissing me. Yet strangely those were the words that I wanted to scream at Dean.

"What...What are you doing here?" I say though I want to sound assertive and mad. I'm strangely relived with his presence.

"Jess..." Dean says curling up his fists.

"I need to talk to you." he said looking directly at me "Clinton I think it's time for you to go home to your wife don't you?"

"Rory?" Dean looks at me with those sad puppy eyes that I use to love when we were dating but at this moment disgusted me with rage. He was married what was he doing what was he letting me do.

"Go. Go home Dean"

"No" his voice is starting to rise like those many arguments that usually involved Jess's presence but I wasn't his girlfriend and I didn't have to hear it

"Yes go. You should go" how was a way to say I never want to see you again yet those words were also the ones I wanted to say to Jess.

"Geez man get a grip" and with Jess's words he finally walked away.

"What do you want Jess?" I feel the impatientness in my voice. I was tired of him coming into my life like a tornado and destroying it. Destroying me. I didn't want him here.

"I don't know. I just wanted to see you, talk to you. I just..." he looks at the floor. He looks hurt.

"What?" I ask a bit softer

"Come with me."

"What?" Now I feel the impatientness coming back.

"Come with me." he repeats like his request is so ordinary like the past year hasn't just occurred.

"Where?" I ask going along with his madness.

"I don't know...away!"

"Are you crazy?" I had to ask. This was insanity he didn't even have a plan. Though he was never of a planner. How were we compatible?

"Probably. Do it. Come with me. Don't think about it." I want to chuckle at him admitting that he isn't sane, but I can't this seem serious.

"I can't do that." I turn away and open my door and part of me wants him to follow me in. Yet another just wants him to do his famous disappearing acts.

"You don't think you can do it but you can. You can do whatever you want."

"It's not what I want." I turn to face him yet I can't look at him, if I look at him I know I'll cave.

"It is. I know you."

"You don't know me!" If he knew anything about me. He would know how much Yale and my mom and stars hollow. How much they mean to me. He should know that.

"Look, we'll go to New York. We'll work, we'll live together, we'll be together. It's what I want. It's what you want, too."

"No!" I feel like I'm talking to a wall. He isn't listening and I'm tired and now for everything I'm just going to say no. The more he talks the more ill resist because I know if I listen. He'll convince me. Because I've missed him.

"I want to be with you, but not here. Not this place, not Stars Hollow. We have to start new."

"There's nothing to start!" and even though I've missed him. I...I mean we can't go a second time. All it will bring is pain at the end.

"You're packed. Your stuff is all in boxes. It's perfect. You're ready. And I'm ready. I'm ready for this. You can count on me now. I know you couldn't count on me before, but you can now. You can."

"No!" I look away I can feel his gaze piercing through me. I feel like my voice is rising higher.

"Look, you know we're supposed to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you two years ago, and you know it, too. I know you do."

"No, no, no, no, no!" I don't want to admit that to myself or no one. I tried to convince everyone how Jess was for me. I mean I wanted to lose my virginity to him. But no matter what he says he isn't reliable. He is still Jess.

"Don't say "no" just to make me stop talking or make me go away. Only say "no" if you really don't want to be with me." his voice finally drops it seems calm and soft. It seems like his final words. And I feel like I can't breath like my eyes are glossy from tears that want to come out. I can't say no. I'm lying to myself this whole time in my head trying to convince myself that he isn't what I want. Sure the whole New York life that isn't what I want. But him...us...that sounds nice. He tilts his head searching for an answer. He always looked so cute when he did that. And I reach over and kiss him. Guess it was to give me more time to think. Partly because I wanted to remember our first kiss. How I initiated it. How it felt to somehow have the power? No that wasn't the right word for it. We separate and he says

"Is that a yes?"

"I can't go to New York Jess. I have a life here. I have Yale and my family and the town. I can't just walk away from it all. I'm not you. And if you knew me. You'd know that. And how can I trust that I can count on you how do I know you won't just leave me in a strange city that I don't know. That I'm still not sure if they allow hot dogs in the subway" I say trying to lift up the atmosphere. He smirks at me and I continue to speak because running words in my head isn't the most sane "I loved you. I hated admitting but I did. I may still love you and if I hadn't gone to Europe I would've had a much harder time burying you in my thoughts but I did or at least tried. So if you love me like you said you did if you truly believe we were meant to be together then you would move for me not me for you. I wasn't the one who messed up here"

"Well it does seem like you need me around by the looks of it" he says pointing back at the hallway of my lovely display of lady and the tramp.

"That was not my greatest moment. And I...I do need you" I say shyly I hate exposing my feelings because by the end of it I feel so naked.

He smirks and I smile. He asks "Do you think were suppouse to be together?"

And then I admit it to him, to me to what felt the world even in a very empty campus "I knew it since you stole my howl book and wrote in the margins."

He nods and somehow if felt like the moon was shinning a little brighter outside.

"So you cut your hair?" I try not to chuckle he was always Best at shifting a conversation.