Red Bull

fifteen

MY HANDS ARE STILL CLENCHING onto my central flight stick for dear life, and I think I must've busted a knuckle by now. But I don't feel any pain, not physically, I'm numb, and I'm trying to pretend I don't exist, so I can just forget what happened in the last five minutes. We were so close to getting everybody out alive. And then Maverick had to save Rooster, and Rooster had to go back for him.

I know that every mission has its risks, and this mission would have some of the highest if they were asking for recent Top Gun graduates, but I still had some hope left.

"Mission Control, this is Dagger Two, permission to land aboard the Lincoln?" I ask, my tone steady for once. The enthusiasm and energy I'm known for is all but gone.

"Dagger Two, this is Mission Control, permission granted." They answer back quickly.

The aircraft carrier comes into plane view, and we descend from the clouds.

"Landing gear deployed. Hook deployed, Red Bull." Bob says from behind me. I nod, even though he can't see me, and I lower our F-18 onto the air craft carrier.

Our wheels connect on the landing strip, and it's bouncy at first, and the hook grabs the cable, and we come to a stop almost three-quarters across the ship itself.

I open the canopy, and climb out of my cockpit. Bob follows my lead, and except he takes off his helmet and I don't.

There's loud cheers from the maintenance crews, and from our detachment. I begin climbing down the ladder, but I hop halfway down out of impatience. Bob slowly climbs down behind me, and I take off my helmet as the maintenance crew moves our F-18 down below, so that Payback and Fanboy can land too.

Coyote comes up to me. "You did is Scar!"

"Yeah, I did." I say, still feeling unaccomplished as ever. I look down at my boots, trying to move past him.

Coyote stops me, "What's wrong?" I look up at him, and he sees that I'm holding back tears. "Scarlett, you can't blame yourself for Maverick and Rooster's decisions."

"Javy! I could've gone back and helped, maybe they would still be alive—"

"Maybe. Maybe not. You could've also died." Coyote said, "You did your best, and you did a good job. Look at Bob," I turn my head and look at him, he's talking to Phoenix, Harvard and Yale. "He's alive because of you. You could've turned back, and helped, and Bob would've followed you. But you didn't increase losses or casualties. You did the right thing based on your situation."

"It's still hard. Bradley was still one of my friends, and Maverick was the only person who believed in our mission."

"I know," Javy says, pulling me into a hug. I hug him back, and we watch Payback and Fanboy land onto the air craft carrier.

Coyote let's go of me to keep any further embarrassment away, I'm so glad Hangman is on standby, or else I knew that he would have made fun of me.

I stand by Bob, as everybody else squeezes their way to the other two heroes of the day. We haven't said a word to each other since we landed, and I don't know how I feel at the moment. I'm trying to act like I have it all together—I don't.

Bob mutters, "We should've gone after them."

"I know. We should've," I state back. "But that wasn't your decision to make. I'm responsible for your life Bob, I wasn't going to risk it if you didn't want to go back."

"So if I wasn't there, in the cockpit with you, you would've gone after Maverick and Rooster?" Bob questions.

I stay silent. He should already know the answer, we've been close for weeks know, he should see that my actions are guiltily eating away at me.