The Killer Among Us

Chapter 46

Two days left

Jacob

The evening was grey and gloomy, a thick curtain of snow blanketed the ground beautifully, making the dark tombstones on the graveyard stick out even more. Snow crunched beneath my feet, the only sound audible for miles and as the icy wind nipped my skin, I regretted that I didn't dress warmer. Still, I was dressed for the occasion, all in black.

I wondered what an outsider would think of me at that moment - one single speck of black in a white world. Soon, I too would lay beneath this ground and the cold of this world would not bother me anymore. It was hard not to wonder what death felt like, what came after it. But there was no point in worrying about that. I'd find out soon enough.

Instead, I kept walking forward, one step at a time, until I reached the tombstone of my dad. To me, it seemed taller than the other ones, more precious. At his funeral I thought it was the ugliest thing in the world but at that moment I was glad to have it, an anchor that connected me to him.

"Hey, Dad," I whispered as I wiped off the icy bits of snow that covered the inscription, proud at what it read. Again, dread filled me when I imagined what my headstone might read.

Slowly, I glanced around to see if I was alone. When I made sure that I was, I began to speak. "So, I feel a little stupid talking to you like this," I chuckled, "But there's no other way, so..."

I couldn't help but imagine him sitting in his favourite armchair, listening intently to whatever I had to tell him. We used to stay up hours talking about everything, and he always cherished my opinions.

I paused and retrieved a note from my pocket that I wrote the same night that I wrote the letter for my mother, only the words for this one came more naturally to me. I needed to stop myself from rambling too much, especially because dad preferred short but meaningful words. He was a man that loved poetry. "But not the fancy stuff," he always told me, "There is more meaning in bluntness."

I swallowed hard as my shaking hands unfolded the piece of paper carefully.

Through the howling of the wind, I barely heard my own voice as I read my last words to my dad out loud.

"My entire life," I started, my voice a mere whisper, "I tried to make you proud and although I know that I failed completely..." I paused for a moment to steady my voice. "Although I know that I failed completely and I am nowhere near the man you wanted me to be, I am hoping that this can make up for it."

I let out a heavy sigh, tears welling in my eyes as I read the next words. "You once told me that to love is to sacrifice and I know you sacrificed a lot for me and Aria, even your own," I cleared my throat, "Even your own life. So, by doing what I am going to do tomorrow, I am hoping to honour that sacrifice. It won't be easy, but it is the right thing to do, and I know it's what you would have wanted me to do."

A single tear rolled down my cheek. "I love you and I miss you and I hope I will see you again soon."

Even though I knew that these words won't change anything, my heart felt a little lighter knowing that I said them before I died. Somehow, it even felt like they were heard. So, I stood there for a long while, thinking back to all the great memories I shared with my dad and watching the snow fall around me, and it almost felt like I was recharging, like a divine hug from my father.

When the cold became unbearable, I knelt in front of the headstone and placed the note in the snow, a symbol of my final hours spent with my father on this earth.

"Please, Dad. I need your help to be strong now," I uttered with a broken voice.

Then, in the corner of my eye, I saw, just at the corner of the headstone, one single daisy peeking out from the blanket of snow. It was so tiny and fragile that I almost missed it, but I was happy that I didn't. Slowly, I reached for it and plucked it from the ground, letting it lay in my palm for a while.

As I held this fragile creation in my hand, a wave of memories washed over me. I shut my eyes as I remembered how I bought the daisy bracelet for Ava, how I put it around her wrist as a token of my appreciation. In that moment I thought I might find happiness with her. The beauty of that memory faded oh so quickly when I remembered how my story continued.

All too soon, the memory of me ripping the golden daisies from her wrist came back to me. How I chose pride over mercy. How heavy the bracelet had felt after I realised that Ava wasn't breathing anymore. How the sound of her skull cracking made me cringe, my insides twisting in pure disgust at what I did.

The daisy in my palm immediately lost its beauty and I crushed it with all my might.

"That damned bracelet, I should have never bought it," I mumbled under my breath. Slowly I began to realise it would be only right to give the bracelet back to her, put it on her grave as my way of finally saying goodbye to her. But I could barely remember where I put the bracelet after that night.

I squinted my eyes, trying to focus in order to remember.

The memory came back to me slowly and I recalled that I had pawned it a few weeks after her death to help pay for Aria's class trip. After suppressing the significance of it, it was worth nothing to me anymore. But I knew that it meant something to Ava. So, I made it my mission to find the bracelet first thing the next morning. Maybe it was a feeble attempt at reconciliation, but I needed to do something for her.

Before I died, I needed to at least try to fix what I had broken, even with the smallest act of kindness.