ᴄʜᴏɪᴄᴇꜱ | Republished ✓

4. Tentative Choice

Sometimes it is the smallest decision that changes your life forever.

I took a deep breath. In and out. In and out. I was surrounded by aromatic scents in a small bathtub. The warm water was slowly cooling down. I got up from the tub and changed into fresh clothes. Even though the warm water relaxed my body, my mind was active as ever.

I had no idea what to do. What should one do in this kind of situation? Should I befriend him or should I simply thank him and leave?

'What a situation I got myself into...' I thought with a sigh.

I went into my room and found a plate full of food. I sat down and started to eat slowly while thinking.

Honestly speaking, out of the two epics, The Ramayana had always been my favorite. Why? Less politics and less headache.

The Mahabharata, on the other hand, is filled with bloodshed and politics...so much politics. I hate politics with a passion. They always make everything troublesome. So, in my previous life, I had always remembered a few key events. The Gita was my favorite, even though the epic was not. Oh well! One cannot get everything in life. I got up from my seat and washed my hands in the bowl kept on a pedestal. I slowly walked towards my bed, lying down on it, so I could think easily. I think easily when lying down.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Okay, now I have to think. My past life memories are still fuzzy. They would probably fade away with time. Karna was an important character, I think. He was born to Kunti from Surya dev. As far as I remembered, he was taught by Guru Parshurama. He was a friend of Duryodhana and did a lot of Adharma in the name of friendship. He was killed by Arjuna, his younger brother. Okay, this was the only thing about Karna I remember clearly.

I took another deep breath. Now, what should I do? Change it or not? This was not easy at all. Karna was a child right now. I could influence him. Befriend him. But, I don't want to get tangled in the war or even with the Royals of Hastinapura. That was a big headache with a huge web of politics woven in it. Just thinking about it makes me feel dread.

What to do now?

The door opened. Mata walked in. I got up hurriedly. She said, "What happened, putri? You have not come downstairs for your customary cooking lessons. Is something the matter?"

I nodded negatively; a bit guilty. I absolutely forgot about the cooking lesson. Mata combed through my hair with her fingers. I leaned against her. She asked, "You have not answered me yet, putri."

"Shama Kijiye, Mata (Forgive me, Mother). I was thinking something. The lesson slipped my mind. It won't happen again." I replied, still feeling guilty.

She smiled softly. "It's fine, putri. Do not miss the lesson again, though. Tell me, what were you thinking?"

'Can I ask her?' I thought. I hesitated before asking, "Maa, if I could change something yet do not want to get entangled in a bigger affair.... what should I do?"

I explained as much as I can without going into specifics. Mata smiled again and placed a hand on top of my head. She said, "No matter the situation, putri, do what is right, never what is easy. It is easy to run away from our fears but harder to tackle those fears. I would suggest you do what is right, and the bigger affair can be faced when the time comes. We always need to live in the present. Why should we be afraid of something that may or may not happen in the future?"

I smiled. My confusion cleared. Yes, I am afraid of the future, but that should not stop me from living in the present.

"Is it clear, putri?" Mata asked. "Ji Mata. (Yes Mother)" I replied.

"We can do those lessons now, since you missed it," she said, getting up from the bed. I nodded enthusiastically.

I finally had an answer to my question. I am afraid of the future, but that should not stop me from living in the present.

I have a choice. I have no idea if it's right or wrong. I choose to befriend Karna.

Let's see where it takes me in life. But now I have cooking lessons to attend. I have delayed enough.