memoir of a forgotten pirate

IX

"Leon?" Tianyi asked, leaning her weight over my counter. "You want me to find him?" Sarovar leaned over the counter as well, lifting up a piece of paper displaying a small sketch I'd made of Leon.

His chin rested against Tianyi's head, and she looked up at him, swatting him away. He snickered, wrapping his arms around her waist. I rolled my eyes.

"If you lovebirds are done, then, yes," I said. "I haven't talked to him in so long— I don't even know if he's alive at this point."

"Well," Sarovar said, squinting at the drawing. "If he's still alive, we'll find him. Rest assured of that, my friend." He gave me a smile.

"You two are too kind," I replied.

"It's no big deal," Tianyi said, snatching the drawing from Sarovar and folding it up, tucking it into her cloak. "We're friends, after all. I'll try and get back to you as soon as possible. In other news— how about you and Mathias, huh?"

A particularly rough storm had moored the Meren Haamuja, and I had enlisted the help of the Vikings for a few unremarkable tasks around the forge to keep them busy. As it stood, Mathias spent most of his day around me, glued to my side and bantering without a care in the world.

I scoffed.

"What about me and him?" I asked. "He's a Viking."

"He won't stop talking about you!" Sarovar said emphatically. "Constantly and incessantly chatters about you. I was trying to purchase a replacement for my grappling hook here—" he patted at his belt, where a shiny metal hook laid neatly against his hip— "and he was constantly gushing about you. It was so baffling." He snickered. "And a little cute."

"You're gross," I said dismissively. "There's nothing between us."

"Sure, sure..." Tianyi winked. "Hey, Momo, that favor is always handy, you know. You still haven't properly redeemed it yet. I make an excellent wingman. Blackmail and all."

"It's true," Sarovar chimed.

"Don't tell me that's how you two..." I grimaced.

"No, no," Sarovar said. "That comes naturally after you've been raised together under the same mentor. For example, did you know that—"

"Oh, I'd hate for you to finish that sentence and see what happens," Tianyi said mildly, though her newfound grip on Sarovar's hand seemed threateningly tight. "Let me tell you, though, Sarovar used to be scared of the dark, and he was so— mmph!"

"Ignore her," Sarovar said. "But... seriously, what do you think of him?"

"I..."

I wished he would get out of my life.

I wished he would leave my head.

I wished he wouldn't make me feel so vulnerable and afraid.

I wished that my heart wouldn't pound at every smile, every quip in my direction.

I wished most of all that his voice wouldn't make me feel safe, because I didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it, even now.

I sighed, a stabbing pain pulsing through my forehead. I hissed, pinching at my nose bridge. "Fuck."

I didn't know when the headaches began, honestly. But they were getting worse, and rapidly so. I figured it was probably due to stress— I'd been receiving more and more clients recently, and the workload was definitely getting to me.

"You alright?" Tianyi asked worriedly. "Is it something we said?"

"No, no," I said, waving them off. "Probably just tired. Worked from sunup to... sunup today. Probably just need to sleep it off."