ㅇ surface ㅇ [ zeenunew ]

chapter 3

That night, even though he was tired both physically and mentally, Nunew found it hard to fall asleep. He kept thinking about his argument with Zee. He tried to ignore it, but remembering Zee’s eyes with anger directed at him, made Nunew feel worried.

He feels guilty and he tried justifying his actions.

I am stressed out. I am continuously pressured from all the expectations and hate I’d been receiving lately. Zee wasn’t helping at all. He’s making me think things and that distracted me. He could have distanced himself and stopped confusing the heck out of me! It was really all his fault, to be honest. Nunew thought, ignoring the glaring flash of guilt trying to grip him back.
“Who cares if he’s angry? I really don’t care. “Nunew said out loud, punching his pillow in frustration before he tried (read: forced) to fall asleep and forget about a certain fan named Zee Pruk.

- -

JULY 2015

The thing about being an idol, that’s both a curse and a blessing, was that even though you want to dwell on certain things happening in your life, such as examine every single thing and try to understand it, your schedule wouldn’t let you. The following days after their argument, Nunew momentarily forgot about Zee as he had no choice but to focus on his comeback. However, the green haired fan’s presence would mostly haunt Nunew at the most inconvenient time, like when he’s about to sleep or in his idle times.

He’d think about why, out of the music shows and many outdoor concerts he was a part of, he still hasn't caught a glimpse of a familiar green haired fan he grown accustomed seeing around.

At the first event he didn't saw Zee, Nunew reasoned that maybe he was busy. Nunew knew that even though Zee’s a fan, he also had a life outside supporting him.

But this is the first time he wasn’t around ever since he started coming in, a part of Nunew reminded him.

Indeed, ever since he noticed and met Zee almost a year ago, the green head never missed a single activity of Nunew held within the country. He may have been late at some but never completely absent.

Whatever! Who cares if he shows up or not anyway? It’s not like I’m just performing for him, Nunew ranted in his thoughts, still trying to let himself believe that he’s not affected by Zee’s absence.

Nunew continued pretending it didn’t hit him hard with disappointment whenever he’d receive fan letters and he wouldn’t see the familiar light blue card with simple but sincere messages meant only for him.

Days and weeks continued to dwindle down and not a single sight or word was seen or heard from the green head.

Nunew, by then, started to acknowledge the hollowness forming in his heart because of Zee’s absence; a strong feeling that made him uncomfortable, made him sad, made his heart feel the pain for reasons he didn’t know why. He continued to make excuses for Zee, telling himself that the other boy was just very busy and preoccupied with more important things than attending his events. Nunew knew and accepted the fact that sometimes fans couldn’t really attend their favorite idol’s activities. It happens.

He kept telling himself that.

As Nunew’s comeback got nearer, he started to feel more nervous. Whether it’s about how his songs will fare on the charts or if it had something to do with a certain tall fan, Nunew doesn’t know.

But he soon understood why.

Nunew’s comeback date had finally come before his eyes and he performed his showcase on the night his album was scheduled to be released. Nunew expected and hoped that Zee would be there in the midst of the screaming fans. The stares and small smiles would definitely be directed back at him again. But then, the show started and ended without any trace of Zee. His eyes roamed around, examined every single face in the crowd, just to be sure, however, Zee wasn’t really there.