Ice Cold

35

TRIGGER WARNING: use of homophobic slur

Landon Reilly

My stomach was turning as I stepped foot in the locker room the next day. Playing against Fox hadn't been a huge concern of mine until last night's shit storm. Now I knew he would be targeting me, but I didn't know how I would react. I didn't know if I truly had control over my anger when faced with something like this. But I did know that if things did go badly with Fox today and I retaliated and ended up hurting him, I would have to say goodbye to Wren forever.

It wasn't like Fox had no reason to hold a grudge against me. In fact, he had multiple reasons, all of which were valid. I didn't even think his biggest problem with me was anything I'd done to him, but everything I'd done to Elijah, starting with the way I'd treated him when he came out.

*

"Landon," Micah hissed, grabbing my attention away from my hockey gear.

It was the end of practice and I was exhausted and ready to go home. I would have to sit down with my father for God knows how long to talk to him about everything we worked on, so the last thing I wanted to do was stick around too long after practice. But as the person who would undoubtedly be the captain for senior year, I needed to show leadership and talk to my teammates when they needed me.

It was the end of the season, I was practically the captain already. These practices were essentially just preparation for the next season since we didn't have any games left this year. There was only a couple weeks of school left, and then I would be doing summer hockey camp with most of my team as their captain.

"What's up?" I asked Micah, hiding my annoyance.

Micah motioned for me to follow him toward the back of the locker room near the showers. Everyone had already finished showering and the area was deserted.

"I need to tell you something," Micah started. "I don't know what to do, or what the right thing to do is."

I had no idea what made Micah think I would have any idea of what the right thing would be, but I listened anyway. Surely I could ease his mind if he was about to confess to me he was doping or something. Half the guys on the team wouldn't pass a drug test.

"Okay, what's going on?" I asked.

Micah looked around, assuring himself that we were alone, then he moved closer to me, his eyes wide with worry.

"It's about Elijah," Micah whispered. "He... he came out to me. He said he's gay."

A range of emotions raged through me. I clenched my jaw so hard I could've broken a tooth. This was the last thing I expected. I'd have rathered Micah tell me he was on steroids than to hear this tidbit of information about Elijah Ellis.

The same Elijah I had a crush on when we were kids, the one my father knew I had a crush on years ago. The very same one that was the reason my father knew I was gay, because I couldn't keep my crush locked down and hidden. The reason why my father was so hard on me, why he hated me.

"And I don't really know what to do," Micah stammered, looking nervous. "I don't know what could happen if this got out. I don't want him to lose his position on the team or anything."