WANDERLUST

Road Trip

ROAD TRIP

WITH MY ARMS AND LEGS spread out like a starfish, I stared up at the white ceiling with Gabrielle rambling to me in the background, my ears tuning her out until I heard the name, Rosie. An internal groan growled throughout me until I let out an annoyed sound and sat up to look at her, her shoulders shrugging at me when she sat down on my bed, her hands playing with a belt left out on the bed.

"So... When are we going to leave?" she quipped after a few seconds of silence, her body shifting before she settled on the floor next to me. I just looked at her eyes to see whether or not she was being serious.

"Gabby, there is no we. I am doing this alone," telling her for the millionth time that I do not want any company, already knowing Gabby will not accept it, but there is still no harm in trying.

"I want to get out of California too. You cannot do this alone Tay-Tay. We are a team. You and I have never spent the summer without each other. The four of us always spend summer together." She started to argue, causing my stomach to start feeling sick with guilt when I lay back down to avoid looking at her, staring straight back up at the ceiling again. I silently prayed that a comet would land on me so that I could avoid having this conversation.

Again.

This trip is something that I knew I had to do on my own I do not want them with me for selfish reasons. I can not have Rosie with me. This whole trip was supposed to be about finding myself, allowing myself to break free and get over her, not having her there as a constant reminder. It will make the healing process that much harder.

My mind was screaming at me to let go and get over her, telling me that she was not worth the heartache, while my heart was trying to cling to her, scared of what might happen after I finally admitted to myself that we were over for good. There are no more chances of getting back together.

"Look, I can deal with having you there and probably, Marcus too, but I not, Rosie. Are you trying to torture me?" I stressed when I covered my face, hearing her move beside me when I turned my head to see her face close to mine.

The smell of peppermint lingering on her lips from her gum, her blue eyes boring into mine when she let out a light sigh.

"We are not leaving her here on her own. She is our friend." Her voice tried to sound comforting, but it only made me feel more guilty.

"This is why I am going alone," I groaned, my head moving away from her as I looked back up at the ceiling, getting sick of going over the same argument.

"This will be good for you and Rosie." She retorted, hearing a smile in her voice when she sat up, her hand resting on my stomach as she looked down at me.

"Can you stop?" I begged my heart starting to ache again as the tugging sensation returned.

I wish she would stop and drop it, wanting her to get over her crazy idea of joining me on my trip.

At least I have gotten over the crying and grovelling stage whilst Rosie seemed fine, leaving me feeling embarrassed every time I remembered about me being a blubbering mess. During that whole month or so, I hid away in my little cave of a bed and cried. I even went as far as crying myself to sleep when the thought now of myself doing that made me cringe. It was just so cliché. However, I will admit that heartbreak is the worse feeling a human could go through. It is also the only feeling you cannot describe, along with the grief, let alone put it into words. I think the loss of a person in your life, whether dead or alive, sucks and hurts all the same. Having somebody who used to be a constant become a stranger or who is no longer there leaves you with an empty feeling. The only way to understand the emotion is to go through it yourself, but once the crying and the shock of it being over subsides, then you are left with this dull, empty ache in your chest. Whenever you see the person that tore your heart out, you will feel this tight tugging and clamping sensation around your heart, like being crushed in a vice. But other than that, it is almost manageable.