Then and now

Chapter 5: Amira's POV

We leave the cafe and I put a $20 tip on the table. I always seem to have cash on me, from when my dad puts some on my vanity every morning. I only really use it for things that I probably shouldn't be buying, so it feels nice to use it for something a little bit more ethical. 

Asher opens the door for me and I smile at him. I'm starting to slowly let my guard down around him. He seems to have good intentions, just wanting to be friends again. I need a good friend in my life right now. 

It's weird- I can see young Asher in him in everything he does. It's almost nostalgic even talking to him. He has grown up to be who I imagined him being when we were 13. 

He is the opposite of me in many areas though. He is confident, I'm shy. He's a golden boy and I am definitely far from that. Maybe I had the potential to be that, but that got lost a while ago. 

We are walking along the main road with not much space between us, so I move over a little bit. I don't trust him that much. I don't even let my own father get close to me. 

"Favourite movie?" He asks me with a playful tone. 

"The notebook." I don't even hesitate, not embarrassed.

"The notebook? I never would've guessed that in a million years."

"Hey, don't judge if you haven't watched it," He laughs when I say that. 

"Well, maybe you'll just have to watch it with me." My head snaps to him when he says that, but his eyes are still trained in front of him. I know that this response shouldn't be alarming to me. But his flirty words set off an SOS signal inside of me that I can't turn off. I gulp and try to pull myself together. 

Asher is not Logan. Asher will never be Logan. You are in control.

I repeat these words in my head like a mantra, something that my therapist and my dad made me go to told me to do when I get thoughts like the ones swarming my head right now. 

"Amira? Are you alright?" He stops and grabs my upper arm gently. I quickly pull my arm away as an instinct and he takes a step back awkwardly. He looks confused. I realized that I stopped walking at some point and he noticed. 

"Yeah." I slow my breathing as subtly as I can. I can't believe I just did that. He was supposed to think I was normal. I shake my head and nod my head, saying that we should keep walking.  

The walk is silent but I can almost hear the voices in his head going crazy, probably trying to guess what that was and why I was being so weird. I try to convince myself that it wasn't as bad as I thought. Maybe he didn't notice my flinch or my heaving breathing. I'm being dramatic. 

My thoughts end abruptly when we arrive outside of my house. 

"Wanna hang out tomorrow?" He is quick with it. How does he want to hang out with me two days in a row? I know that I will regret it when I'm rotting in my room tomorrow if I say no. Plus, today has been fun. Minus the incident at the end. 

"Sure." I don't say anything else and wave him goodbye. I see him walk away with the same confused look on his face. I watch him until he's out of sight. 

I come away from the window and go to the kitchen, and I can't hide the surprised look on my face when I see my dad at the kitchen table. I look at the clock and see that it's only 6. What the hell is he doing here?

"What are you doing home so early?" I don't really care, but I am a bit curious. The last time he came home early was- last Thanksgiving. 

"I want to talk to you. Sit." I sit down across from him hesitantly. If he came home and was actually telling me face to face, then it must be important. 

"I have been seeing someone. Her name is Sarah, and she doesn't have any kids. We have been in a relationship for 2 years." I keep my face neutral. Inside I am screaming. How could he not tell his own daughter that he has been seriously seeing some random lady for 2 years? That is insane. I wonder if she even knows he has a daughter. 

"She wants to meet you, and I want you to meet her. She is coming for dinner tomorrow night. She really is lovely. You'll like her." I doubt that. 

"Okay." That one word is all he needs to hear. He knows that I will be polite, as always. He does;'t feel the need to apologize for not telling me. Doesn't feel the need to ask how I feel about this. He is telling me I have no choice in if I want her in my life or not. 

Just like I haven't had a choice on whether I want my own father in my life or not. 

I go up to my room, take a couple of sleeping pills, and then fall asleep. I don't care that I haven't eaten all day. I don't mind that the pills could do real damage without any food to go with them. I just want to sleep.