One In The Same - Jess Mariano

Rambling Herself into a Hole

- Y/N's POV

Sitting on the bridge after I left, the only thing I can think is 'what the fuck have I done?'. I don't even have anyone to talk to about this, Lane and Rory are both no longer options for me, especially not Rory. I would rather stab myself in the eye than talk to Luke about my sex life. Maybe there is one person who I can call... Pulling my cell phone out of my pocket, I dial Paris up. It takes a couple rings but she eventually picks up, groaning sleepily.

"Do you have any concept of time? It's late and I was about to go to sleep," It's comforting to know that even when she's tired, that attitude never wains.

"Paris, I have no one else to talk to about this. I don't know if you know but I've been a bit of a bitch to... well everyone in town, and I have just done something that I would not have done if I was an actual sane, smart person. Help me please?"

"It's complimentary to know that I am your last resort, thanks for that," Well, that's a pretty standard response for her to give, so I don't feel like it really warrants an actual apology. "What did you do? You kill someone?"

"What? Paris, no... I just- Fuck. I slept with someone I shouldn't have. And I would never have done it if Jess wasn't such a dick and if people would just leave me alone. Everyone in this town has two extremes, they're always on one side or the other. They choose who they want to help and who they want to discard. I went from being pitied to being hated. And I get that it's my fault but I just couldn't deal with the stupid sympathetic faces anymore,"

"Can you just stop talking for a minute? God, you're just like Rory sometimes, always rambling herself into a hole,"

"Please don't bring up Rory right now! I know that she doesn't like Dean anymore, and that the chances of those two getting back together is very small, because he was not a good fit for her, and then was a massive dick about it- That's another thing! Why would I do this with him of all people, you know he tried to punch me only a couple months ago,"

"Maybe you're into that,"

"Paris! Ew, don't say that," I scoff, taken completely off guard.

"That's not what I meant. I just mean... From Jess to Dean, it kind of seems like you like damaged guys,"

"Two's a coincidence, not a pattern. I think maybe I just wanted to do something that Jess would hate, because he ditched me here, without a word, and it's stupid because he doesn't even know. It's not like I am going to send him a letter reading 'I fucked Dean, your move'. I'm not that far gone,"

"I think this could be good, other than the whole history with Dean and Rory - which I would say for certain that she wouldn't care a lot about anyway, you needed this next sort of step. I've heard it's a big thing after a break up to allow yourself to have fun,"

"Wow, I didn't know I was talking to a relationship expert. Have you ever considered a career as a therapist?" My nerves are finally calming down, and I silently thank Paris for being there to listen with an unbiased perspective.

"Don't insult me. Anyway... Was it- Was it good?"

I inwardly cringe, but allow myself to answer honestly, "I don't really know,"

"Oh," Paris pauses for a moment, "Had you never-"

"Not fully, no. Some shit has happened in my life, stuff I don't really want to talk about, so I kind of always shrivelled up when it was leading up to that part. I'm stupid,"

"Actually, it sounds like you're really strong. You've gotten over another hurdle for doing this, even if the consequences are bad or if you wished it would have meant more but... I think you're brave," My heart thaws at that, so I hum contently.