It's been a week since Ömer and Kivilcim got divorced. Due to the stress and the storm of emotions Ömer was feeling, his tumour was progressing rapidly and he had to be hospitalised. On the second night he felt that the end of his life was close so he asked a nurse to give him some paper and a pen. He stayed up the whole night and wrote three letters. One to his brother Abdullah, one to his son Metehan and one to Kivilcim. The next day his doctor told him that he didn't had much time left so Ömer asked to see Metehan.
M: Dad!
Metehan hugged his father.
M: How are you? Are you feeling any better? I can't wait to take you home!
Ömer smiled briefly as he stood up even though it was extremely hard for him to do so.
Ö: Son, listen... As you can see it's not just a cold that I am dealing with. I have a tumour in my brain and I it as in a bad state...
He wiped away tears from Metehan's eyes.
Ö: I don't have much time left and I don't want you to see me weak... so I insisted on this meeting to say goodbye.
M: No...
This was all he could say. Metehan was devastated.
M: Is... Is that why you divorced Kivilcim?! You lied to her that you loved someone else so you don't have to tell her that you're sick?!
Ö: Don't worry about this... I wrote her a letter where I explain all of it... Look son... I want you to know that I love you very much! And I don't want you to remember me in a bad state... so I asked my doctor to move me in another hospital where I can die without any of my loved ones seeing it.
M: But dad...
Ö: Shh... It's okay, Metehan. It is all going to be okay.
Ömer gave him the three letters, each one signed and closed. They stayed in the room for hours before Metehan finally left the hospital. He was devastated and so broken. He immediately called his uncle to get him.
A: Metehan? How is your father?
Metehan wiped away his tears and handed Abdullah his letter where Ömer had wrote everything about his disease and how he had asked the hospital he was being transferred to, to inform Abdullah when he dies. Abdullah was very upset with Ömer, but he understood his wish and respected it. He tried calling Ömer, but his phone was turned off and he tried the hospital he was in, but the staff told him that he was already being transferred. So that was it. Ömer didn't wanted to be found alive.
Meanwhile Metehan sat on his bed and started reading his letter. Ömer had already told him most of the things so it was no new information for Metehan. Only apology. Ömer had wrote:
"I am so sorry, my son, but I want you to know that I love you endlessly! You are my joy! My boy, my son! I want you to be good, honest and kind! To always say the truth and to be fair! I want you to name your son after me (at least middle name, please) and I want you to tell my grandchildren only good stories about me... that includes Cemre. I want you to protect her and be close with her. I want you tell her that I loved her, her mom and her grandmother deeply and that I am sorry she won't remember me. I also want you to be there for Kivilcim... and to tell her that I will never forgive myself for the tears and trauma I put her through.
I love you! I hope you can forgive me.
— your father "
With tears in his eyes Metehan put the letter to his heart. He allowed himself to float with his sadness. He fell asleep crying.
The next morning he quickly left the house and went to Kivilcim's apartment. He knew he had to be strong for her so he took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
C: Metehan? What are you doing here?
Cimen answered the door?
M: Cimen... I will explain later... Can you get Kivilcim?
Cimen looked at him questioning his words.
C: Hold on.
M: Tell her to go out. Im waiting downstairs.
After some time Kivilcim camed.
K: Metehan?
Metehan smiled at her.
M: Here I am... I will explain everything to you, but... do you want togo somewhere? Sit on a bench somewhere? Get coffee?
Kivilcim lifted her brows.
K: You are scaring me... What is it?
M: Okay... you know what... here.
Metehan gave her the letter.
M: Everything you need to know is here and explained by the right person... please read it... it's important...
Metehan looked at her sadly.
M: Call me when you are ready... I have to add some things and you may have questions.
K: Okay?
Kivilcim looked confused. Metehan looked down with sadness.
M: Okay... bye.
K: bye...
Kivilcim said still confused. She looked at the envelope where Ömer had wrote her name and shives went down her spine.
K: Something happened.
Kivilcim quickly got upstairs and closed herself into her room ignoring Cimen and Sonmez.
She sat on the bed and opened the letter. She was already crying when she read the first sentence.
"Kivilcim, my love, there is no right way to start this... or maybe there is and I just don't know it. I have so much to say to you and yet it will never be enough. I can't undo what I did to you, the hurt and the trauma I pit you through... I can only apologise and explain it. But this time I will tell you the truth."
Kivilcim's tears were watering the whole letter and she felt how her heart was tightening up.
"I am sick. I have a brain tumour and I found out about it when you made me go to the doctor because of my shaking hands. I lied to you it was nothing, because I didn't wanted you to worry. Then it started progressing negatively... until my doctor said that I am a lost cause. The same day he told me this I broke up with you and lied ti you again. I want you to know that I could never fall in love with someone else. I never did loved anyone else except you... my whole life it was you. And that is why I couldn't watch you suffer with me. I didn't wanted you to see me in a bad state and to make you feel sad... so I made an impulsive and cruel choice to lie about it. After we divorced I was hospitalised and about an hour before I started writing this I learned that I am going to die soon. So I asked for a pen and piece of paper... My brother will be arranging my funeral and he will be the one who will be notified when I die. I am transferred into a new hospital so no one knows where I am now and no one can come to see me in this bad and weak state that I am in. I want you to remember our good moments, because we had so much happy moments... I want you to know that I love you so much and I never, even for a slight second loved you less... My love for you could only grow. And it does. With every second... so does the feeling of missing you... Missing you is the hardest thing I have to deal with... the most painful part of this... The tumour doesn't hurt even half as missing you does. Closing my eyes and seeing the tears in yours... and the sudden urge to unalive myself, because I cant stand me for what I did to you. I hope you can forgive me some day. I did it because I thought it was best... it would protect you and prevent you from watching me die. I hope you can forgive me for lying to you and for making you suffer... I suffer twice you do... and it is still doesn't half enough... I apologise to you, my only eternal love, for all pain I caused. I want you to tell Doga and Cimen that I loved them as my daughters and that I apologise also to them. To Sonmez and Alev and to little Cemre. I love them all and I hope they can forgive me. I made Metehan promise that he will be with you whenever you need him....
I want you to be happy and healthy. To take care of yourself and to smile. Show yoir beautiful smile more often... and whenever the sky is pretty, look up and know that I am maligned it like this for you. I love you! I will die thinking of how much I loved you and yet how little it lasted... But that doesn't change the fact that I believe we are meant to be...
So maybe we will meet again and maybe this time we will have forever. Now I think we deserve a soft epilogue, my eternal love. We are good people and we've suffered enough.
I adore you and I hope you can forgive me!
— Truly yours, Ömer"
Kivilcim breathed in and out a few times. She was crying so hard, her eyes were hurting.
She whispered to herself.
K: I love you so much, Ömer... I love you... amd just like that I lost you... How can you not understand that I can say goodbye to anyone... except you.
She called Metehan.
K: M-Metehan... I read it.
M: Good... He wants you to know that he is sorry and he loves you.
K: I know... I know. I love him too.
Metehan smiled
M: I know.
K: Do you know where he is?
M: No and... maybe that's for the best. He doesn't want us to watch him die and we have to respect his wish.
K: I am so devastated... I didn't even know he was sick... and I was so mad at him, but he had done this for me... I am such a bad person.
M: Don't talk like that... You didn't know. No one did....
Kivilcim swallowed.
K: I have to tell Cimen, Doga, Alev and my mother... come to dinner if you want.
M: No... I will come another time.
K: Okay.
Metehan took a deep breath.
M: You are his biggest concern, Kivilcim... When I visited him he had a photo frame filled with pictures of you two on his nightstand and when he gave me the letters he told me to tell you that if anything he will at least die thinking of the people he loved most.
Kivilcim couldn't keep her tears anymore so she started crying.
K: He said to look for him in the sky...
Metehan also started crying. It took them forever to calm down. When they hung up Metehan whispered "I forgive you for everything, dad, especially for leaving so soon"
and Kivilcim, who got her favourite picture with Ömer from her nightstand, hugged the frame and also whispered "I forgive you, my eternal love... and I adore you too."
The end.
Hi guys! This is a one shot of how I imagine a what if Ömer dies. I hope you liked reading this and I also want you to know that I will be starting a new Kivmer (but this time happy) story, so stay tuned. 😋
