Kivilcim was out to dinner with Erturgrul. She was wearing all black, her hair tight black into a low ponytail. Erturgrul had picked her up with his driver and then they arrived at this restaurant. Kivilcim was still in the car when she realised where he was taking her. She had already been to this restaurant with Ömer. She remembered that it was a hard day for her at work so he picked her up after work and drove her to this place. She ordered a sushi which she didn't like and Ömer gave her his pasta. It was one of the best pasta meals she had ever tasted. She was now starting at her full plate of that exact same pasta dish and was thinking about Ömer. She promised herself that she will stop thinking about him, but she couldn't help herself from doing this and this only. Ömer was always in her thoughts. Even if she wasn't thinking about him, he somehow managed to appear in her head. When they arrived at this place she said that she won't be thinking of him, but then we she sat down, she looked towards the stairs and remembered how Ömer was holding her hand and when she tried to leave his hand because it wasn't wide enough for them to walk next to each other, he just kissed her palm and let her lead him, without letting go of her hand. She then remembered how he always liked to touch her in some way... and how she loved his touch. How he made her feel safe and how much coldness she was feeling when he removes his hand from her leg only to switch the car speeds. She was now feeling as if she was freezing cold. When she ordered that pasta dish she said that she wasn't ordering it because of her memory with Ömer, but only because she liked it and it was a great pasta... Now, that she was looking at her full plate, almost untouched she was ready to cry. It didn't even smell the same... her mind was telling her that she won't like it, because it is just a normal pasta now. But then it was her caring and loving boyfriend's food, who gave it to her when he saw that she didn't like her own food. And yet again her thoughts took her to that question... What did she do to lose Ömer's love?
Erturgrul noticed that Kivilcim was off and he tried to tell her something funny... but god damn it he wasn't funny. He wasn't even half as funny as Ömer was... Ömer again. Kivilcim smiled forcefully at Erturgrul and looked up at the stairs. She then froze. She saw that woman. Gonca. She was walking down and Ömer was walking behind her. He wasn't holding her hand. She thought. But he is here with her. Erturgrul turned around and saw them. He stood up and talked with Ömer. Kivilcim looked at Gonca and introduced herself. Gonca smiled and they sat down. Kivilcim was shorter than her and she had a lighter hair colour than her. She was not that skinny as Gonca was and she had bigger lips. "No, Kivilcim. Don't." She thought... but she couldn't stop it. She stood up and went to the toilet to stop herself from getting emotional. Gonca saw her and fell a tightness in her stomach. The urge to talk to Kivilcim. So she also stood up and went to the toilet. Kivilcim immediately saw her and swallowed.
K: I am sorry for this question, but... What do you have that I don't?
She looked at Gonca.
K: I mean I-
Her voice cracked and Gonca sighed.
G: Look... The situation is not what you think...
Gonca said as she remembered the conversation she had with Ömer. She remembered how he said that he didn't wanted Kivilcim to feel sad... but how come he couldn't realise that what he was doing to Kivilcim now was even worse... So Gonca took a deep breath and said to herself that Kivilcim had to know the truth... after all she had nothing to loose... Even if Ömer gets angry at her, when he realises that Kivilcim, knowing about the situation is better, he won't be angry anymore... eventually he will be thanking her.
G: Ömer is not in love with me. He doesn't love me, he doesn't like me, he doesn't want me. He doesn't even like me, because we are not even friends...
Kivilcim's mouth slightly opened. She was so confused.
K: What?
G: Kivilcim, the only woman, Ömer has ever loved is you. And he never stopped loving you even for half a second. I know that you're confused and I will explain the situation to you... but not right now.
Kivilcim didn't know what to say. Inside she was happy that Ömer still loved her, but she had so many questions... the biggest one being if he loves her so much... why did he leave her.
Gonca saw this in Kivilcim's face so she handed her a piece of paper.
G: Here. This is my phone number. Text me when you get home and I will pick you up or we will go for a walk...
K: Why are you doing this?
G: It's for the best... and when you hear the truth you will realise it.
Gonca smiled at her.
G: Ömer loves you so much... I wish I had someone to love me at least half as much as he loves you...
Kivilcim swallowed and smiled slightly. She was so confused and yet so happy.
Gonca turned around and got back to the table. Kivilcim fixed her make up and smiled. There was hope. She got back to the table and saw that Ömer and Gonca had already left. Erturgrul saw her questioning look.
E: Gonca said she had something to do later so they left.
Kivilcim nodded as she saw how the waiter took their plates. Gonca's almost empty salad and Ömer's untouched pasta. She smiled slightly. Soon they also paid and Kivilcim texted Gonca that in about twenty minutes she will be waiting for her at a cafe near her house. Erturgrul dropped Kivilcim off and she started walking to the cafe. Gonca was already waiting for her.
K: Hello.
G: Hi.
K: Should we walk around or sit down?
G: I think it will be better for you if you sit down.
K: Okay.
They sat down. Gonca took a deep breath. She was thinking about this conversation for two weeks and she had it all planned, but seeing Kivilcim. Her confusion, her happiness scared to show, because of her fear... her blame for herself.
G: Ömer is sick.
Kivilcim's eyes widened.
K: What?
G: He has a brain tumor and no one, except me and now you, knows about it.
Kivilcim was shocked. Her eyes filled with tears.
G: That's why he told you that he was in love with someone else. He didn't wanted you to watch him die... The day you got divorced I asked him why is he doing this and does he really think that this is the best decision... and his exact words were "let her hate me and blame me for everything, but let me be alive so when I die she won't have anything holding her back from finding happiness... but if she loved me and I was dead... she wouldn't alone herself to find love again... and believe me she deserves all the love the universe can give her."
Kivilcim was holding back her tears.
G: Look, Kivilcim... you know the truth. Ömer loves you unconditionally and endlessly... his love for you only grows. I don't know any details about his illness and even if I did this is something that you have to hear from him. I won't hold you any longer, because I see how much you want to talk to him... I will give you an advice. Talk with his brother first... I think he might know something, because when I met him he asked me if Ömer had his shaking hands checked out by a doctor.
Kivilcim swallowed, holding back her tears.
K: Okay, thank you... I will directly call him and ask him to go to Ömer.
Gonca smiled.
G: I don't know if I did the right thing, but I think that you and Ömer deserve to love each other until the end of your lives, not to hate one another.
K: Thank you very much... I think we will figure it out and we will get through this.
G: Before you go... I want to show you something.
Gonca took her phone and opened his chat with Ömer. Everything was just Ömer saying that he will be waiting for her and that they will go to some place together and Gonca agreeing with him. Except their texts from two days ago.
Ö: Sorry, but I won't be able to come tonigh.
I don't feel good.
G: What is going on? Is it the tumour?
Ö: No. I wish it was the tumour... It's my heart, it's Kivilcim.
G: Do you want to talk about it?
Ö: I hate not sleeping next to her. I hate not being able to hug her or give her a kiss. I hate that she hates me and I love her so much my heart breaks every single second all over and all over again. I hate this.
G: Ömer, tell her the truth.
Ö: No, I can't. She has so much to worry about and so many people to think about... I don't want to mess up her life more.
Kivilcim sniffed. Some tears escaped her eyes. Gonca hugged her comforting her.
G: You will figure it out. Go talk to him.
K: Thank you so much! We will keep in touch.
G: Of course. Now go.
Kivilcim took her back and started walking to her car. She got out her phone and called Abdullah.
A: Kivilcim hanim? What is it so late?
K: We have to talk. It's about Ömer. I will come to pick you up in half an hour and I will explain everything in the car. Get ready, we will go to his apartment...
A: But? Is he okay?
K: Absullah bey, please! I will explain everything in the car. Just don't call Ömer.
A: Okay, I will be waiting for you outside.
K: Okay. See you.
A: See you.
Hi guysss... So I had the idea about this and I hope you like it. Stay tuned for the second part. 💋
