Into Your Gravity ( Luna Lovegood & Tom Riddle )

Chapter twenty-three: Scar Issues

"The word 'ivory' rang in the air, was whispered, was sighed. You would think they were praying to it. ... I've never seen anything so unreal in my life. And outside, the silent wilderness surrounding this cleared speck on the earth struck me as something great and invincible, like evil or truth, waiting patiently for the passing away of this fantastic invasion."
-Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness
•

Tom. It was Tom. Tom was everywhere. He was around each corner of the corridors; in her dreams. Blue eyes or red eyes – for the first time, Luna didn't care what color they were so long as they belonged to Tom. To see those eyes again – but, no. Still, she could not escape it, could not escape him. Her pillow – she could smell him on it, though he had never lain there. That smell, his soap mixed with his own musk mixed with egotism...it intoxicated her. His voice echoed in her mind, his name a sigh on her lips, his memory the breath in her lungs.

And each day the necklace grew heavier around her neck. Day by day, perhaps minute by minute – rather than her pain easing, her burden became harder to bear. And the necklace was always around her neck, always there to remind her.

She knew what Harry had told the Others – she thought of them that way now, Harry and the Others. They were no longer Ginny, Hermione, Neville, and Ron. They were only a single unit, all with the same opinion of her. Because Harry told them that Tom had used her, that Tom had never really cared. And the Others pitied her. Luna did not want their pity.

Luna felt betrayed by Harry – he had seemed to understand. Truthfully, she had not approached him about her feelings of betrayal, so he never got to explain; she also understood why Harry would believe that. Everyone believed Tom to be soulless, heartless. But Luna knew better, because Luna was the one who had the glowing red necklace around her neck day after day, night after night. It never stopped glowing.

She kept it carefully hidden from Harry, always wearing it under her robes. It occurred to her that by keeping a secret from Harry, she was betraying him also, and she felt guilty. Harry and Luna had been one another's confidants, for Harry felt, rightly so, that Luna would not judge him. And they had always been open with one another. By concealing something from him, Luna wondered perhaps if she had been changed by Tom – not for the better. But she still could not bring herself to sacrifice what she had left of him. And secretly, late at night when she lay awake, she would sometimes admit to herself that even if she had wanted to give it to Harry, she didn't think she could. The necklace pulled her to it. She often woke up with her fingers entwined in its chain, and whenever she bathed, she bathed as quickly as possible, for it bothered her to remove the necklace for any amount of time.

The Headmistress had excused Luna from class indefinitely last Friday, as she had already taken the courses. Sometimes Luna went to her classes anyway, just to get out, but more often than not she was in her dormitory, reading and reading the hours away with Othello curled up on her lap. She left for meals, but often brought the food back to her dorm to eat; she occasionally made the excursion to the library for more reading material, but as she merely grabbed the first books she saw, this took little time before she was back in her room again.

The entire school was abuzz with what had happened to Loony Lovegood on the train. Of course, only Harry and the Others, as well as Headmistress McGonagall knew what actually happened, but that didn't stop rumors from flying around, rumors so colorful that even Luna thought they were absurd. In spite of the sudden interest in Luna, her roommates continued to ignore her, just as they always had.

Luna would have been in near-perfect isolation had it not been for Harry's constant notes sent to her dormitory, courtesy of Hedwig. At first they were generic, asking how she was doing and inviting her to eat dinners with him and the Others. Then, just as Luna's mind again skittered to the thought that Harry had in some way betrayed her by dismissing her relationship with Tom, Harry seemed to catch on that he had hurt her feelings. Luna suspected that Hermione had clued him in. The notes became even more frequent, turning from friendly concern to apologetic to pleading her to see him.