Yours Truly

29. Warm Blanket

Sera had somehow managed to not only convince Rowan to get tacos on their way home but also to stay the night. He didn't realize when he had gotten this attached; he tried doing the complete opposite and staying away, but this girl was stuck in his mind and heart. No matter what he did, he couldn't prevent himself from thinking of her, of stopping the damn butterflies he felt every time she even looked at him. It was far too late when he realized that he couldn't just stir his heart away from her because he wasn't the one in control of it. She was. 

His mind kept drifting to yesterday's morning when he was at her apartment and he was reminded of his grandmother out of the blue. The peace and serenity he felt at that moment, and the goosebumps that covered his body from how real and vivid it felt. He anchored himself through it, the memory becoming a warm blanket he covered himself in whenever anxious or in doubt. It was only when he was in the car with Sera driving to her family's place that he had a moment of epiphany; It wasn't the memory of his grandmother that gave him great comfort, it was the fact that Sera's home reminded him of his grandmother's home. It wasn't silly ASMR videos that eased his anxiety, it was the fact that these videos were recommended to him by her. It was her, her eyes, her smile, and her entire presence that provided him with comfort and safety. 

Anything that had to do with her, he loved. She was his warm blanket. 

He tried talking with her about what had happened with her father, but she only assured him with empty words of 'It's okay' and 'It'll be alright'. He understood that she didn't want to talk about it, so he tried comforting her in any other way he knew how. Which at the moment was eating tacos and staying the night. 

They were already laid down on her couch in the living room, trying to finish whatever was left of the food they ordered. 

"Is it odd that I'm not bothered?" She asked suddenly.

It came out of nowhere so Rowan only furrowed his eyebrows at her in question.

"I don't care that I probably won't ever speak or see him again. I feel free." A slow beautiful smile lit up her face. She looked up at him and he wanted to kiss her glistening brown eyes.

"Yeah, you got your closure in some kind of way. Right?" He asked, feigning nonchalance.

She shook her head, "I don't think that was closure. It was me finally understanding that I don't even need any closure to understand what he did or why he did it. He's an awful father." 

"I just need to accept that he did it and move on. I can't keep asking myself 'why' forever." She explained, running her hands over her jeans. 

"That's true." He nodded, "I'm really proud of you, you know?" He mumbled and he could see her eyes do the thing they did whenever he praised her causing his smile to widen.

"Thank you." An adorable blush covered her cheeks as she averted her eyes.

"I'm really glad he paid the tuition for my senior year, though." She joked, "I won't have to worry about my final semester." Her laugh filled the space, lighting up the entire apartment even though it was dark, her fairy lights the only thing illuminating her face.

"I would've helped you." He said.

"Gosh, no." She waved her hand dismissively, "I was gonna say I could've found a job or something, but honestly, I could steal the money from my sisters." 

"Your relationship with your sisters was the only thing I couldn't figure out on my own tonight." He said in a silent question. He didn't want to overstep but he knew that they were past that.

Sera only hummed in thought at the beginning and then leaned her back on the coach more comfortably as she looked at the ceiling above her. "It's complicated." There was a pause where he thought she wasn't going to continue, but after a few seconds, she went on. "There was some point in my life when I was close with Elena, but as I grew up I noticed how different she was from me. She was too focused on pleasing our parents when we were teenagers, and when she realized she couldn't get their praise through doing normal things most teenagers do, she diverted her attention to becoming more like dad so he'd be more...approving?"