911- What's your emergency?

Home Alone

Me:  911 what's your emergency?

Caller: I Macaulay Culkin'd myself and I can't move.

What did he just say?

Did I heard that wrong?

Macaulay?

As in that actor?

Today was sure one of these days where I knew that this call would make me laugh soo badly. There was no way this was not about to be good. I usually never mishear things and if I was right this man had done something quite funny and unusal now too. Question was only why he was calling and I had a bad and funny idea where I had to get myself not to start laughing out badly. Of course I was smiling just by the name and I was sure it was about to get a lot funnier in a second.

Me: Malcsulay-?

Caller: I booby trapped my house before I left for vacations....

Alright... this for sure is it...

Me: Pf-

No!

No laughing!

I need to be seirous her.

He can't mean he did that home alone shit for real?

I tried my best not to laugh at all and decided to ask again if he was indeed not pranking me and is indeed in trouble because of doing some home alone shit and booby trapping his own house.

Me: Sorry, you M-?

Caller: I got shithoused off of six quarts of Chardonnay on the plane ride back and I totally forgot about that.

Me: Are you okay?

Nope but hey I love this drama... thing is... who am I gonna send over?

Ahhh would you look at this Explosion Murderer there... he is still free. I might send him over to see how much this man loved that movie.

Caller: No! I am not okay! I triggered the whole dang pulley system when I opened the door!

By now I had to mute myself because I was laughing out quite loud. I had even tears running down my cheeks since this was indeed the thing I was thinking about when I heard Macaulay Culkin. Who would have just guessed that my day was starting with something like this and who would have even thought that there would be someone who was in fact doing something like this. Why would people do this? Sometimes I was really wondering where humanity was going.  Not as if we had new modern security systems in place for thieves.... nope... apparently not.

Caller: I lit my head on fire, got slammed in my peeter by a swinging paint can, and did a goddamn gainer on a bunch of marbles!

It really took me a bit before I unmuted myself and then talked again trying not to laugh again-

Me: Okay, I am calling an ambulance and am sending a hero over to help you out Sir.

I am so sending Kacchan there. He will love this!

Now while I had this person on call, I gave Kacchan another call so I could hear both of them. This man seemed more worried and in need of help than anyone else. Besides I wanted Kacchan to deal with this shit.

Kacchan: Where the fuck you want me to go?

Me: Awww missed me soo much that you didn't even go with a hi?

Kacchan: De... DEKU?!

Me: Yes, now I am sending you an address. There is a peson in need of rescue and they pulled a Macaulay Culkin on themselves.

Kacchan: A what?

Me: Just go to the address I am sending you.

This was all I said before klicking Kacchan away. He knew I was a 911 operater by now since I did send him to some lokations already but this one was a first. He usually would take his call and leave be polite since the 911 calls towards a hero were all under a certain same number and it could also have been not me but someone else. Oh well, now he at least know he needs to fucking hurry and not only this but shit is gonna get down because when I call a hero, that is never a good sign.

In this case... I just want Kacchan to deal with this.

Me: Sir, a hero is already on his way.

Caller: Look, tell them to hurry! When the egg timer goes off, I'm done for.

Me: What happens when the egg timer goes off?

Caller: The bees!

Me: The bees?

Kacchan will love this!

He might need get vacations after this and see a healer as well.

Caller: Oh it was gonna be the grand finale! The timer, the pulleys, knocking over the bees, oh ho sweet justice on the bad guys!

All of the sudden I could hear the dinging sound and that was finally when I couldn't stop laughing at all. I started cracking up soo hard that I couldn't stop laughing at all. I was just done with everything at this point and then it happened. This man gave me the last blow.

Caller: Oh boy, here it comes.... Merry Christmas you filthy animals!!!!!!

This was all the caller said before he got away from the line and by this time I was literally falling ofthe chair laughing on the ground. Oh how glad I was that I had my own office as well as a fluffy rug beneath me because of these things. This was not the very first time I had laughed myself off a chair for sure so I had my precautions but this was gold. I absolutely loved it and I was sure I was about to hear from Kacchan for sure.