Ray of Light

❊ Chapter nine: Teenagers and adults ❊

January 23rd 2017

Ray

I sat down at one end of the sofa and Scarlett sat at the other. I liked that she respected my need for space. It was something I never really had at home - always someone barging in on me when I needed to be alone. Usually high, drunk or just angry too.

"Ray, I just-"

"Scarlett I'm sorry," I blurted out, inadvertently cutting her off. "I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't mean to yell at you but I just got mad and nobody's ever really cared about me for longer than a few minutes other than Angie and I guess I'm just not really used to it so..."

I took a breath, as I said that whole little speech in one breath. I glanced back at Scarlett and saw that she was smiling softly.

"Thanks for the apology," she replied. "But I came here to apologise to you."

I stayed silent.

"I know you're a teenager and you don't really want anything to do with adults," she started. "But you're only 15. And like you said, I'm a mom, I know when something's upsetting a young person."

"Damn you sound like a therapist," I commented quietly.

"Why, cause I said 'young person' and not 'kid'?" Scarlett joked.

I laughed slightly.

"I guess," I replied. "But I appreciate it."

Scarlett smiled.

"God knows what goes on when you go home, but I want you to talk to me if you need to, yeah?"

I looked at her and nodded silently.

"Have you been to The Mug and Muffin yet today?" Scarlett asked.

I shook my head.

"Do you wanna go before it shuts?" she suggested.

I nodded with a smile.

"Come on then," she said, standing up.

I stood up myself and grabbed my coat, before Scarlett led me to her car.

~~~✸~~~

"How was your first scene?" Scarlett asked as we sat down in my favourite corner booth.

"Good," I replied with a smile.

I loved being able to portray other people. It was an escape from the reality of my life. The life I hated. The problems I had caused. The only rays of hope seemed to be when I got a job.

I sipped on my coffee and nibbled on the croissant.

"I don't want to seem like I'm imposing on you," Scarlett began to explain. "But I just can't shake this feeling I have."

"What feeling?" I asked, looking out of the window at the cars going down the road, their lights on.

"The feeling that something is wrong."

I stayed silent. I wanted to tell her. I really did.

"You can talk to me, or any one of us on set," Scarlett told me. "We'll listen."

I looked at her and began to fidget anxiously.

"Elizabeth asked if I was dyslexic," I stated.

"Are you?"

"I-I don't know. And I don't know what it means."

"Dyslexia is when-"

"No, no I know what it is. I mean, I don't know if I'd lose my job if I do have it."

"Of course you wouldn't," Scarlett assured me with a gentle smile. "You'd get something to help you read. Like coloured filters or different colour paper."

I hummed a short response. There was a silence afterwards, where I went back to looking out of the windows.

"I can talk to one of the directors if you'd like," Scarlett suggested. "Or I can get you a filter to help with the jumpy words. Or both."

"Could I get one of those filters?" I asked quietly.

"Of course," she replied. "I'm pretty sure I can get you a blue one from somewhere."

"Why blue?"

"Blue is a really common colour for dyslexic people."

I nodded slightly. After a momentary silence, I quietly asked, "Could I have your phone number?"

I was anxious of her response, but to my relief, she agreed and put her number in my phone.

"If you ever need me, just call or send a text," Scarlett told me. "Don't be afraid to."

I nodded. Hiding all this was becoming even harder, every time Scarlett spoke to me I just wanted to tell her everything. But if I told her...

"Ray!"

I jolted my head around. Scarlett had been talking to me, but I was zoned out.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you wanted me to drop you home."

"Oh, yeah sure," I replied.

We finished our coffees and food and then left the cafe, thanking Angie on the way out.

"See you tomorrow Ray!" she called as we left.

"See you!" I replied with a small smile.

~~~✸~~~

The car ride back to my house was silent, apart from the radio playing quietly in the background. Neither me nor Scarlett spoke a word, but I honestly didn't really mind. Just being in her presence was quite comforting. When we pulled up outside my house however, my demeanour changed completely. I shrunk into the seat, reluctant to get out of the car. I didn't want to go back inside that house. With those people.

"You good?" Scarlett asked, noticing my shift in mood.

I didn't respond and began to tug at my hair anxiously. The woman reached across and gently pulled my hand away from my hair, instead passing me a hair tie.

"Ray, we're at your house."

I stayed silent and unmoving, only my hands were fiddling frantically with the hair tie in my hands. Stay here. Tell her everything. You have to. No, go home Ray! It isn't that hard to deal with it like you have been for god knows how long! Just get out of the car and run away. You don't need to see her or anybody again! Becoming increasingly stressed, I tossed the hair tie down and got out of the car, closing the door and walking up the driveway, forgetting to thank Scarlett for the ride or reply to any of her questions.

Before I even put my hand on the door handle, I could hear yelling from inside. Bracing myself, I walked into the house, accidentally slamming the door behind me.

Everything went quiet.