Deep Within My Soul

luminary

At a certain hour of the night
Words bloom at the tip of my tongue
And I have this sudden urge to write

As of now, I can only feel
And these emotions cannot be translated, to my surprise

Where do I start?
What words can I say?
My emotions are thoughts
Thoughts that I cannot convey

My, mother
It feels like an honor to say that
This is where I'll began
This is where I'll start at

Everything I write, I have not told you this
And these are probably words
I'll never allow you to hear or see

I remember everything you tell me
I cling onto all your kind words
As they are very dear to me
Most notably, I remember that you said
How you've learned to love me unconditionally

But do you know what you've taught me?
You taught me how to be a daughter
To God, because I was His child first
Then to you, because He planned for me to be your child
In the making of this universe

He practically said that I must be created
In this beautiful world that He would make
And in this world, He chose you to be my mum
Which is far more superior than fate

You taught me how to listen
That not every adult was against me
For I feared authority
You taught me how to love
And you taught me the definition of family

My mother
Oh, how it is an honor to say that
You'll never know how much you mean to me
But God does, and that's all that matters
This poem that I write, this poem is a letter
One that you'll likely not see
Because this is kind of a conversation
Between me and my Father

This is more so a talk with God
That I really will be okay
That once again, He has surpassed my intellect
Proving that I am but a man

This is more so a thank you to God
That He chose you to be my mum
And though He knows everything
I still want Him to know I'm grateful, I truly am

There is this unspoken language between me and the Father
Whenever I think of you and ponder
In all the conversations we had
I was also speaking to my Father
My heart and my smiles were
Thank you letters
And I know they reached heaven
Because this love has not faltered

Why does everyone speak of the unconditional love
That a mother has for her child
But not the unconditional love
That the child has for their mother?

It's the kind of love that makes me want to work hard
So that I can care for you as you've cared for me
When you've gotten old in age, that should never be a worry
Because I'd always stand by your side
As you've always stood with me

God, I do not understand why you allow certain things
And if I do understand, it's only to an extent
Because I'm but a human
There is a limit to what I'll ever know
And I cannot pass that expanse for my own expense

But I do know one thing
I know that you know what's best for me
I know that you created an entire world
And you said that I need to be here
And you specifically chose my mum to look over me

You didn't choose anyone else
You chose her
You knew that she was perfect for this role
You trusted her

That means something to me
I'm not entirely sure what but it fills me with glee
To have a wonderful mum who cares for me
To know I'm exactly where I need to be

Thank you, God, that she'll never see this letter
For I'm afraid of its vulnerability
The words that I write will always be a part of me
And I don't want this side of me to shine, not yet at least

I'll let her know I love her
I'll always be grateful
But this letter will stay between
Just you and me

This our little talk, our silent conversation
This is my way of saying: "Thank you, God"
Because you planned this
Before I was brought into creation

I've suffered much in life
Actually, I've suffered all my life
But you gave me a gift
You gave me my mum
And I'll accept it
I'll cherish this gift
I'll never reject it