Thread of Gold [ WLW ]

Part 23

- Maria -

Fuck my head. I lifted my hand and simply rubbed it up and down my face. I felt like I'd drink about 6 bottles of wine last night, but I hadn't drunk a single thing. My memory was hazy, and it felt a little cold. Where the hell was I? What day was it? God had I got into a coma or something storybook shit?

I finally pried my hand from my face reluctantly to see what was around. I looked down to see my sheets splayed across me. When had I got into bed? I instinctively pulled my sheets over me more. I was so chilly.

I snuggled back into the sheets as I tried to process what was going on. I looked around. My door was open a crack, I couldn't hear some faint chatter downstairs, but I have no idea who it could be. I didn't want to move. Even when I heard the giggle which I knew was my baby's. I couldn't bring myself to get up. To go see her.

The last i remember was when I broke down to the sight of...him. God him. He's still managing to ruin my life without trying. I haven't seen him in a good 3 years. Sometimes he used to turn up on my door step. But I hadn't seen that damn man for so long till yesterday.

I rolled over with a groan, hugging my pillow my head wasn't on close. I decided after a minute of pondering that I'd have to get up. Lili was down there. Lili..was down there? It's Monday. She's supposed to be in school with Lydia. Fuck I asked for her. I asked for her and now she's probably not gone to work because of me. I need to stop causing her problems.

I felt my legs shake a little and took one look at myself in the mirror near my door and sighed. I was really letting myself go. I managed to pull the door the remaining way open. I slid my hand down the banister as I stepped, very slowly down the stairs.

I felt a lot of eyes on me as I reached the bottom. God they must have heard my coming. I finally lifted my head to be met with the eyes of Sasha, Lara, her..., my little girl, my mom? Why her? Why now?

I pinched the bridge of my nose. Too many people. I felt a surge of pressure over my shoulders and I re opened my eyes to see my mother smothering me, whispering a lot of things. Most probably ranging from 'my poor baby' or something other sappy shit. I just let her. I let her do it and I stood there like a statue.

I hadn't actually spoke a word since I'd woke up. I swallowed the lump in my throat as my mother stepped back. It fell into silence again.

'Morning, mom..' it came out as more of a pathetic croak. Then came the looks from everyone, the looks of pity, I hated it. Almost everyone..I locked eyes with my little girl briefly who simply smiled a little at me. She was sat on Lydia's lap, who mirrored the same expression. Neither of them felt need to pity me. I knew that.

I felt another rush as Lara and Sasha wrapped their arms around me on each side. I again, just let them. My eyes remaining on my little girl and Lydia, who were chatting clearly. Whispering more. I humoured my friends by nodding or shaking my head at any questions.

I sighed. All these people. My brain was foggy enough, I didn't need this. I didn't want this. Why the hell would anyone call my mom over? She was a chronic worrier and probably would make me feel worse, not purposefully, but..

I still felt in a haze, my friends were talking in one side of my head, my mother in the other. They were all clutched onto me, holding me, talking, filling my head with ideas when it was already being crushed. I balled up my fists and let out a pathetic sigh before speaking loud.

'Please can everyone just, get out of my house?' I spoke so loud, so stoic, but I didn't feel that way.

My mother looked shocked but just nodded, backing out and straight away, making a beeline for the door. I'd talk to her later. Lara immediately obliged, dragging a very hesitant Sasha with her, gathering their things and beginning to leave.

My little girl gently tugged on my pants and I looked down at her. I only had energy for her right now. She smiled sweetly at me, leaning her head on my leg.

'I love you mama..' I heard her whisper gently against me. It made me smile. Made me want to squeeze her so close. Didn't have the strength for that though.

I hear a small cough and looked up at Lydia, who was standing in front of me. She had a sweet, fuzzy expression on her face.

'I'm sorry you went through all that I-' I cut her off with a raise of my hand. I was done. I was so done, I don't have energy.

'Just leave me alone, please?' I spoke out a little harsher than I planned but I watched her gaze drop to her boots and she nodded.

'Right yeah, of course..' her voice cracked a little and she did a small wave at Lili as she turned on her heels to walk out.

I heard the door click shut and let out a sigh. Lili just wandered off, to play alone I presume. She did that often when she knew I needed some time alone. That's why she was the only tolerable one right now.

That's why I needed everyone to piss off.

- Lydia -

I felt the lump in my throat, that hadn't left since last night, begin to fade. My vision was getting blurry, but I was still driving. I don't exactly know where to, but somewhere.

I didn't want to go home yet, my brother was meant to be coming over. I didn't want to explain to him why I was like this. My hands shook, causing my turns to be a little swervy.

She was polite, she said please, she isn't mad at me, she isn't mad. I kept repeating the same words in my head. She isn't mad. She isn't mad. But it wasn't sticking. It wasn't at all. What did I do? Was it all my fault?

I pulled over as my vision blurred further, I couldn't even see the lanes in front of me. I'd end up in an accident if I didn't stop.

Here I was, on the side of a motorway. Sobbing my heart out into my sweater sleeves to the hum of the radio presenter in the background. I clenched my fingers around the inside material of my sweater sleeves. Fuck.

I wailed out into the silence of my car. Empty. Like my insides. I felt like I had been sick, or I was going to be. The taste was in my mouth, all coppery and bitter. The phlegm was building in my throat and my stomach rumbled slightly.

I shakily slammed my hand onto the button to pull down the window. I stuck my head out of it and my eyes burned. I yakked out my insides onto the gravelly flooring below the pull in. My hair was pressed up tightly against my face as I gripped the side of the car door from the inside.

I was hovering over the edge, the fluids dripping from my nose. I hate throwing up. I pulled my head back into the car. Wiping my nose with my sleeve. I was lulled into a half awake state. Everything in me wanted to call Meredith. But she had stayed awake with Sasha all night, comforting her. She had only just got home to sleep it off.

I dialled in the first number I could think of in my contacts. Awaiting a response as the hum of the ringing sound filled the silence, other than my sighs and exasperation.

'Hello? Lydia?' I heard a sweet voice mumble down the line. Or maybe it was just talking and my ears ringing was interfering with it.

'Hi, Lara, could you come get me please?' I felt the whine and crack in my tone as I felt on edge of tears again.

AN:

Okay man, there is too much going on. Might just sob...

🤭 do not listen to the song at the top at the same time..it influences crying