Dark Dreams

Chapter VENTIDUE

The nightmares always start the same. In the same dark room that is etched into my brain for the rest of my life with the only small light bulb that he granted me. I'm backed into the corner feeling the cold concrete through the thin shirt. My head rests on my knees but I don't cry. I ran out of tears ages ago. I had just woken from an episode of fainting and seizures but that never stopped him.

I was diagnosed with syncope and type one diabetes when I got out. No one knows. I'm fine and I can handle it on my own. I have meds and insulin injections that I have to take daily. I don't know how I survived all that time in the dark basement but I know that I did. I hear the dragging of the chains up and down the hallway. They do this everyday to scare me and tell me they are coming.

I used to be afraid of the sound but I grew accustomed to it and slowly it was embedded into my head, sounding over and over again like a song on repeat that has no pause button. The sound reminds me of the pain and reminds me I'm not as numb as I once was. When I was locked in that dark room I felt nothing. When the door would creak as he pushed it open or the locking of the padlocks and the sounds of my screams. I became numb but never enough to block it out. I felt every hit, every kick, nothing could ever fully numb the physical pain.

I cut off my nightmare as I sat up against the headboard. I need to get out. I go towards the door and I slowly creep it open so as to not make a sound before walking down the stairs and out the back door to the garden. It was always my favourite place. I would come out here with Luco, Alessandro and Emilio and we would walk through here for hours taking care of the pretty flowers. Luco would never stay for long. He got bored easily, but every time I would ask he would always say yes. I notice that now.

Everything was different back then. I wish I could go back to that time when everything was easy and most of us were innocent and undamaged, having no clue of the haveck that was heading for us. I sit in front of my favourite flower. The redness stands out amongst all the pale colours of my mothers choice. The anemone flower was always my favourite as it was not as basic as the daisies and white roses my mother initially planted before she abandoned the garden altogether.

All the boys helped me plant them, all pitching in to help their little sister plant a stupid flower. They are still flourishing showing the care that has been provided to them in my time away. Luco soon walks in with a water jug in hand not noticing me until he gets closer. He stops dead in his tracks staring wide eyed at me before slowly placing the jug on the ground. I turn my head back to the flower as derealisation sets in and my mind becomes all foggy. I feel his body slowly lower itself to the ground next to me. No one says anything daring not to break the silence before one of us inevitably leaves. He raises his arm and lays my head on his shoulder wrapping his arms around me, holding me tight. I feel him rest his chin on my head and take deep breaths.

I feel the steady rhythm of his heart on my face as I snuggle my head further into his chest finding warmth in his embrace. The silence remains unbroken but I don't mind. I missed this. The feeling of being safe, wrapped in your brother's arms. The feeling of being untouchable because they are there. After everything I would give everything up for a genuine hug from one of my brothers. My last moments on this earth I want it to be this. Wrapped in my brother's arms saying nothing but everything at the same time. This is the feeling of being home.

Soon we slowly unwrap ourselves from each other before both silently standing. He grabs the jug without saying anything and holds it out to me on invitation. I nod my head and soon we are both watering the flowers and plants together. When it is done we silently walk back to our rooms and go our separate ways. I head for the shower changing and laying back in bed finally letting out a breath I felt like I was holding for eternity. Maybe it will be different.