Crazy Ways Already (a dumb ways to die fanfiction)

Epilogue

Numskull covered his eyes at this explanation, and Madcap took him by the wrists and lowered his hands from his face. Numskull looked into Madcap's concerned eyes, deeply as the tears flowed uncontrollably.
"I'm so sorry; I had no idea." Madcap said.
"Is she--" Zany asked, his eyes filling up with tears at the next word he wanted to say, but he could not say it.
"No, she's okay. I had been able to get her to the hospital, and the doctors were able to save her. One of them had asked me to tell him in details what had happened, and when I explained that it was all a matter of suicide he insisted that Stupe go to the madhouse the next day. And that next day, I went to her house at the break of dawn and pulled her out of bed. She followed me deliberately to the hospital, and I watched as they took her by plane to the faraway crazy place." Numskull explained nervously, interrupting what was about to be a loud sob.
Zany dried his own forming tears. But that explanation made Numskull himself want to cry. He hung his head and squeezed the tears from his eyes, and Madcap tried to dry them.
"You'll get to see her again someday. She's coming back?" Madcap said helpfully.
Numskull looked desperately at Madcap, then looked at the flower and smiled.
"Yes, she is." he said quietly.
"She'll get out of there soon, as generous a gem as she was before the incident."
Numskull and Madcap hugged, then Madcap took a great look at the cigar he had been smoking earlier and stepped on it.
"Never again will I pick up another stick of death, and never ever will I trade my healthy life for the killer that is not worth it." he said, smashing it to nothing but ashes.
"I am glad to hear that." Numskull said, nodding.
Then, he and Madcap walked to Ninny's house to see what she was cooking. And when they got there, to their surprise had she some news for them!
"Sit at the table." she said.
As they sat at the table, Ninny slammed a newspaper upon the table. Boom! News. Numskull picked it up and read it.
A Drug Addict is Found Dead Near the Party Hard Bar was the main heading, and right underneath was a photo of Doomed! Numskull read more.
Hello, newsfeed lovers. Today we have a rather comforting story for you. It appears that the mysterious drug dealer we all know as Doomed has been found dead in a river off the road near the Party Hard bar. He has been found and taken away by police, and further details of the story have been found by others.
This incident-- as filmed and posted all over the Internet by Mishap-- all started when Doomed was staggering home from Party Hard. During the first of the video, Mishap was just going about his own business, filming a squirrel with a bell tied to its tail, when suddenly a car crashed into the river and knocked him down. Then he started examining the destroyed hunk of metal that had a bloody trash bag hanging out the broken window. Mishap ran away, fearing that the gas and fire of the car would mix and explode, but it never did.
We had an interview with Mishap, but he had no further information of the event than that of his video. But he did suggest that we interview someone who had been at that bar the day of the incident. A guy named Clod explained that Doomed had just been driving home from the bar and was drunk, indicating that he must've wrecked from drunk driving.
Later that day the police examined Doomed. The trash bag that he hid in and looked so mysteriously on him was dripping wet with blood. The police opened the bag and saw that lots of drugs had been crammed inside-- pills, cigarettes, et cetera. Also, it is posted on the Internet what Doomed really looks like-- a dark purple guy with deep red scars all over, and bandages on his arms.
We are all quite relieved to know that this Doomed now lies in his rightful place, and he won't be dragging anyone else into his trap.
Numskull couldn't believe it. He was dead! Doomed was actually dead! Numskull lightly slapped his cheek in awe, then looked up at Ninny.
"Dark fellow got what he deserved." Ninny said, mixing things into a pan.
And he did. Numskull believed it-- everyone believed it. Even the police, who probably didn't even allow him to have a proper burial, like Dimwit had. But you could say that he had already been buried a long time ago; he'd dug his own grave just by smoking his first cigarette, and by that first smoke he'd given up his entire life.
And now he lay dead, in a place no one knows, all because of them drugs. A dead corpse who had died long before his death, a person who no one will remember by tomorrow-- he is forever Doomed.
And Stupe had almost ended up the same following in his footsteps. Dead. But though she was not dead, never could she forget the awful things she'd done or the unceasing pain that screamed from her scars. And not one time she looked into the mirror could she not feel bad at her horrid reflection and have the urge to die. It was all a curse-- all a vain curse that she had put upon herself and could not doff it from her memory. How unbelievable it was that drugs could take down a beautiful being and turn her into this monster. And how unbelievable it was that she had to be locked up in a mental institution, as if she wasn't living in crazy ways already.