I can't find the reason
A reason I'm so irritated
I can't find myself to be calm
Maybe the trigger is my mom
I can't type without feeling a rage inside of my soul
A raging anger I can not control
It's subsiding
I'm breathing again
But I still wanna scream
Scream until I'm being subdued by medics
I wanna go back.
The hospital is Where I feel calmest
But that would be running away
But maybe I need to go away
Just for awhile
To go forever would be wild
I've learned so many skills
To keep my self controlled
But I haven't the will power to cope any longer
But I know I'm stronger
I can beat it
But I'd rather cheat it
There isn't anymore motivation
Ive locked it away in the basement
Maybe there's a spare key somewhere
Most likely in the air
I say that because it's at arms reach
But I'd rather brink bleach
I try my hardest to find joy
It's there I know it
But it slips away
Though I find it
It never stays
Then my mom
I hate to call her that
But it's what she is
Legally
Not in my heart
She doesn't even do her part
She always threatens to turn my phone off
I wish she would
I wish she realize how my phone is not just all fun
My coping skills are in there
They are hidden she can not see
I can name three
Instagram
It's not where I go to look for pictures of people's food
It's not where I go to see pictures of my friends and family
I go to find the words unspoken h
The words I can't ever seem to put together
They have never let me down
Neither then not now
Never will they ever
Friends
So many things come to mind when one word is spoken
One word
Two syllables
Thousands of meanings
My friends
I feel as if they are the ones who put the sun in the sky
I feel as if they don't ever deserve to die
They always know what to say when I'm down
They wipe away my frown
I owe them the world
When I'm curled
Curled up in a ball
My eyes are stinging
from flinging tears
They are a theif with a handkerchief
They wipe away the tears from my eyes
And they are my ride or die
Distractions
There's so many
But on my phone their never ending
Talk to a friend
Spend a few hours playing a aim and shoot game
Blame those little targets for everything that's wrong
Along comes victory
Victories for you to claim
You're finally a winner
Inside of that little game
You're finally good enough
For something for gods sake finally
I'm good at something
It's a feeling I don't feel much
Because being blamed
is such
Those are my three coping skills inside of my phone
This little device hold so much
This little divice is my everything in my clutch
But still
Still these won't ever overpower
your desire to keep threatening to take my phone from my possession
Some may say
"Oh she won't die without it "
But I will. I won't have much
I won't have anything as such I have right now
All these things help me keep my life contained
Inside of this huge mess
I'm still trying my best
If you take my phone
My friend that's smite
And I'll fight
With a small candlelight
Quite a sight
Right this might
Kill me in despite
