Painful Pleasures

Chapter 2

05:00am.
There was something about that particular time.
The way it glared with its red light from my digital clock, the way it reminded me that my night was over...when it had barely begun.

The way it was stuck between day and night...but the night was over and the day has started but hasn't started. The time between silent dreams and awakening reality and more than anything I wanted to exist in this time alone that barely existed.

The weekend is over and I know I can't lie in bed forever...even though somehow, I had survived crying myself to sleep and trying to hide away from reality in bed.
I had lectures today...I had to move.

I turn to look at the clock now and it read 05:01 am and even though I should have expected it, the time broke my heart all over again.
29 minutes later and I am still staring at the ceiling as I had been all night after trying without result to fall asleep.
But all I could conjure was Friday...
'Jay went home to see me? But this is a surprise visit, I didn't tell him I was coming over.'
'He probably just guessed since the two of you have been meeting all week.' Mrs. Davidson had said, eyes studying me with concern... like I was nuts.

'All week? But this is my first time visiting this semester....'

"Urgh!" I groaned and pressed my hands on both sides of my temples, willing the memories to vanish.
I had been so stupid.
Maybe it hurts because I really should have seen it coming, but I didn't. Even as I stood up and took a shower, even as I stood in front of the mirror and packed my pitiful hair into a tight ponytail.
How could I have seen it coming?
How?

'You have this radiant beauty when you've got this innocent ponytail look going on'

Jay's voice is all I can hear, and I can't brush out the facts that I have doubts about. That I can still feel his fingers touching my face, my hair.
The look in his eyes.
Jay loves me. I know it. I know he will never do this to me on purpose...right? Starting in different universities is something we are both getting used to and he just got tempted along the way. He probably hasn't called to apologize because he feels guilty.
I can't help the brief rush of excitement that I feel, knowing I've figured this all out.
It will be fine, it just has to. That is the only way this entire charade can make plausible sense... it's just a phase that will brush over and we'll get through this...
We have to.
As I make my way to the Starbucks cafe just outside the dorm, I feel more than confident.
Jay will call me.
I'll forgive him.
And then we can put this entire situation behind us.
The cafe smells of coffee, berries, and caramel and I never want to leave. The place is barely full and I quickly order oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and caramel expresso Frappuccino.

Taking the booth by the window, I open the lid to my cup when I noticed the big, black book at the far end of the table. It was huge and had a thick, black leader cover. As I pulled it close to me, I realized it had a lock and life-like vines that twisted around the cover, making seem like an ancient journal of secrets.
Scanning my fingers over the cover, curiosity gets the better of my and I take my hairpin and pop the lock within a minute, silently thanking the boy at camp that taught me this trick years ago.

G R I F F I N.

It was beautifully and eerily spelled or rather drawn out in precise 3-dimensional perspectives with life-like vines poking and twisting around every corner.
I turned the page and was mesmerized by the drawing of the strong, mythical creature...the griffin. A hybrid of the lion and eagle.
The next page held the drawing of a shadowed figure of a man in a hoodie with only the sharp, blazing eyes prominent, filled with so much anger, pain, and intelligence.
Beneath the drawing was a poem;
The world corrupt, the sun blackened,
Intelligent liars with weapons sharpened,
Equality the throne, justice the crown,
The truth untold and to promises, we frown,
Until a new sprout, until the sun brightens,
Then light the red flower on the justice to be enlightened.