Painful Pleasures

Chapter 9

Ethan's POV

"She still asleep?" Trevor asks as he walks over to me in the kitchen and pours himself a cup of coffee.

Nodding, I look out the window. The pain had returned overnight after I left April to sleep.
Somehow, I couldn't get into bed with her. A girl hadn't been on my bed in...ages. And there she was, hair cascaded over the white pillows, her gown had gone higher and I had covered her with a blanket and left.
I couldn't.
I couldn't stay in bed with her...not in my bed.
Seeing her on the bed got me thinking, remembering, and just like that...it was there. In my chest. Constricting, aching and then I hadn't slept at all.

"You okay? You look...stressed." Trevor says, drinking his coffee.

"It's aching." I say and he frowns.

"You didn't stay--"

"No. I couldn't. Not on my bed." I say pouring away the rest of my coffee. My chest was tightening by the minute.

"Ethan." He says and I turn to him. His amusing look is gone and he looks serious.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"I couldn't stay with her."

"And why not?"

"Because--"

"Because she is a girl?" He asks, frowning at me and I know he is one second from scolding me.

"Because she was on my bed. You should know by now Trevor, I've never been able to go past that."

"This is the same girl that you knocked out two guys for, remember? That let you stay in bed with her when she didn't even know your name."

"It's different."

"No. It's not." He says and then pours coffee into another cup and hands it to me.

"Now you go upstairs and check on her and for God's sake, just don't overthink." He says.

Sighing, I grab the cup and go upstairs. When I walk into my room, she is sitting up with her hair down, staring around like she was looking for something.
Her eyes set on me and I watch relief settle in them.

"Ethan. Oh, thank God. I knew this was your room but then...."

"I wasn't here." I mutter as I walk in and sit next to her.

"I'm so sorry for calling you last night when I was flat out drunk." She says and covers her face with her hands.

She remembered.
"Hey. I'm not complaining." I say and hand her the coffee.

"You hit a guy, right? Or I was dreaming." She says as she takes the cup.

"He was asking for it." I say with a shrug and she gives a half-smile as she drinks from the cup.

"God, my head hurts." She says and I'm trying with everything in me to stop staring at her cleavage.

"What happened? Why were you at a party? Why did you drink so much." I ask, observing her face closely as I watch emotions play over them.

She sets the cup down and shakes her head.
"I don't want to talk about it." She says and my first instinct is to just let it go, but if I don't keep talking, I won't stop staring.

"You do know you told me about your ex right?" I say and she nods a little.

"I think I remember, but this..." She shakes her head and looks at me,

"This is so much worse." She says and surprises me by leaning on me. Her touch is like a charm, putting me in a spell of warmth.

"It has too much history." She says, clutching me and I hold her, knowing this isn't healthy.
I was vulnerable with her holding me in that dress. And she was vulnerable.
We stay like that for a minute and I can feel common sense fading away.
Please let go, April.
Please.