Lose Myself

Chapter Eleven: Admission

"Not good enough!"

I snapped one's throat. I slit the next.

"Not good enough!" his voice boomed through the speakers.

I glared up at the one way mirror, I knew he stood back there watching intensely at my every move. I continued to kill them off. There was too many, 346 to be exact and they just kept coming.

"Not good enough!"

I thought back to before we started training, he had held me by the shoulders and said, "I need you to prove to me that you can amount to me Amara, that is the only way I can be sure you have my back." He had said it so gently. He'd grinned at my enthusiastic nod and wished me good luck, a flirty wink and he was walking down the hall.

"Not good enough!" his voice was not so gentle now.

I shook my head and continued to shoot, stab, slit and crush. I was becoming tired and I didn't know how long I could keep this up.

"Not good enough!"

I faltered at the disapproval I heard in his voice allowing one of the men to slit my throat with his knife, I fell to the ground coughing up blood and grasping my neck tight as if to keep the blood inside.

"That's enough!" Dominic ordered through the speakers, all the men dispersed leaving me on the ground coughing up blood. "Amara," he squatted down next to me pattingmy back gently, "You only killed 208 of them and that's not good enough."

Amara

I gasped as I woke realising it was only a dream, more like nightmare but still nothing compared the nightmares I would usually have. The dream held an obvious message, I cared what he thought of me. Worse, I wanted - no - needed his approval. It was killing me. Did he think I was pretty? Was he attracted to me? What did he think about my fashion? Was he okay with the fact that I didn't own a single italian vehicle?

It was almost like I'd never experienced this before... oh wait. I was admitted into a training facility when I was twelve years old and got out at nineteen. I had not once even had a crush before, it was a luxury I couldn't afford.

So this must be what it feels like...

I don't like it.

I couldn't think about anything else, it was like having an annoying song get stuck in your head. A constant jingle. A gorgeous, muscly, tall, italian jingle. Ugh.

I got ready for work like I usually did every morning, but this time it was different. Just like everything else today. I wore tighter slacks than usual, an invisible bra with no top and a suit jacket. My abnormal obsession with shiny louboutins paid off as I slipped on a pointy pair that I thought I'd never get to wear. I had on a pair of dangly earrings and tied my already straight hair into a low ponytail, pulling out a few strands to frame my face.

Dominic had said he would treat me like a queen because that is how the Vitiello men treat their women. He'd followed up by promising to take me to lunch today, I'd nodded smiling because I was actually getting picked up for lunch and I wasn't dining by myself either. So it was a delightful surprise when Dominic had shown up on time and me - having lost track of time - was clueless up until he'd covered my eyes and made me guess who it was. He wasn't so upbeat when I kept guessing Vince.

"So tesoro, how was your morning?" he inquired trying his hardest to make eye contact, this entire car ride his focus had been starting up here but somehow ending up down there, earning him a few good slaps to the face. Though we both knew I secretly liked it.