fragile [PREVIEW ONLY]

Chapter 8

The next day at school, I didn't see Theo all day. Sure, he could've been there. Maybe I was just missing him. But, in all honesty, it's kind of hard to miss a tall, gorgeous, supermodel of a man walking down the senior hallway at school. When he wasn't at lunch, that's when I figured he had to have missed school today. (Because, as a high school student, lunch is everything.)

I didn't want to be disappointed. Really, I didn't.

How cliche is that? Girl meets boy. Girl is average (or below, depending on who you're asking), boy is not. Boy is nice to girl. Girl falls apart.

Swoon.

Vomit.

I never wanted to be that kind of girl, and - truthfully - I wasn't. Theo's allowed to miss school without me sending the search party, but...I don't know. I was worried.

There was something about the way he looked and acted in class on Thursday that made me curious about him. Curious about the track all-star and genius that all of the girls loved but no one could catch. I mean, I didn't think I could catch him. I don't do 'catching'. Still, there's something about him - something beneath the surface - that I didn't notice before.

Curiosity killed the cat, and it might kill me too.

The school day went by blessedly fast, and - before I knew it - I was back in photography class. The seat behind me was empty, and it just bothered me. Theo was top of the class. He was a class A overachiever, which meant he never missed school. Ever.

Why wasn't he here? Was he sick? Was something wrong with his family? Was there an accident?

God, I really let the freight train run away with that one. I attempted to reel in my thoughts, focusing on the enlarged print I finished yesterday, and filled out the sheet to turn the assignment into my teacher. We always self-graded our work, something that was difficult for some high school students (i.e. those who think they do no wrong and that the world revolves around them), but I liked it. It was an opportunity for introspection, a practice in looking for the flaws - looking beyond the surface and what you might normally see - to see what someone else might. To be the observer instead of the artist.

If you think about it, that's pretty rare in life. We create things - whether that's through our jobs, art, family, or whatever - and we rarely take a second look at them. A deeper look. When do we sit down to not only see, but to understand, the things that we often take for granted....what happens then? Something might pass by your notice every single day of your life, and until you force yourself to slow down and actually open your eyes...you might never truly see it.

I never wanted that to be me. I spent most of my life feeling invisible. No one could hear me, probably because I didn't actually speak out loud, but that never meant I didn't have things to say. When I got on the internet, that started to change. People listened to me. People understood me. They didn't mislabel me, shove me in a box marked "broken", and carry on with their lives like I didn't exist.

No, I've spent enough time being glanced over that I was determined not to be the kind of person who does the same thing. I wanted to see. I wanted to notice. I wanted to understand.

It probably helped that I can't hear. I mean, I'm definitely not Daredevil. I don't have superhuman vision or anything like that, but I do like to think that I notice things that others don't. When you have to rely on sight for so much - to communicate, to survive - then you start to realize that there's more to seeing than just keeping your eyes open.

When Theo wasn't in school on Friday, it made me wonder what exactly was beneath the surface there. Sure, no one has ever taken the time to find out what makes me tick. Why should I care about doing the same for someone else, let alone some guy that has barely spoken ten words to me?

I don't know.

Maybe part of me hopes there's more to Theo than meets the eye. Maybe I saw something, maybe I noticed something, that I just...haven't understood yet.