you make me sick (for being so perfect)

Twenty Eight.

Trigger warning for emotional abuse.

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Lauren knocks on the door and waits until she hears a soft "come in" to enter. She pushes open the door to her parents' room and sits down on the bed, tapping on her legs. "Hi. I wanted to talk to you about- um, about the things Camila said to you a little while ago. When she was drunk."

Clara frowns, but doesn't turn around to look at her, because she's busy applying makeup. She asks Lauren almost every day if she wants to put some makeup on, but Lauren never lets her. She'd rather Normani or Camila did it. "What do you mean by that?"

"I told her the things you said when I told you I love her." Lauren admits, rubbing her hand up and down her thigh. "And I wanted to tell you that she loves me too. She told me first, actually. And she called me, um, a blessing."

"Well, that's good for you." Clara turns around and sends Lauren a smile. "Look up, Lauren. We're trying to get you better at eye contact, remember?"

"I don't want to be better at that." Lauren murmurs, keeping her gaze trained to her feet. "I don't want to change. Camila says I shouldn't have to and I agree with her."

"Camila isn't your mother, is she?" Clara is quick to reply. "It's not her job to tell you what you can and can't do. Your doctor mentioned a chance of your eye contact improving, and I'm going to take that chance. I just want what's best for you, Lauren. Not everyone is going to be as understanding as your friends and Camila."

"But then if they're not going to be understanding, I shouldn't have to talk to them." Lauren frowns, because her dad has always told her that if someone isn't understanding then they're not worth keeping as a friend. "I don't want to be friends with someone if they're going to be mean to me."

"It's not a case of making friends, honey." Clara sits down next to Lauren and squeezes her hand, and Lauren recoils, because her mom hadn't told her she was going to do that. She looks up for a moment and sees that familiar sad expression and she feels like she wants to cry. "Some relationships in the future aren't necessarily ones you make by choice. Like a boss/employee relationship. And there's the case of if you and Camila break up and you find someone else-"

"But we're not going to break up." Lauren interrupts, unsure as to why her mother thinks that. "I love her and she loves me, and we're not going to break up. We never will, we already said forever."

"High school relationships rarely last." Clara tells her. "It's more likely that you'll break up than stay together and you need to be aware of that. The last thing I want is for you to get hurt if Camila finds someone she can relate to-"

"She has me. She doesn't need anyone else, because she has me. And I'm- I'm good enough." Lauren folds her arms across her chest and looks up to Clara with a frown. "Why don't you think I'm good enough for her?"

"It's not that." Clara answers. "You're my child, you know I love you. It's just that Camila doesn't have to love you. She might not be a constant in your life, and you need that kind of stability. I don't want you to get hurt."

"She'd never hurt me. She loves me and- um, she thinks I'm perfect." Lauren rubs a hand up and down her thigh and smiles when she thinks about all of the wonderful things Camila has said to her. "She'll always look after me. She thinks that I'm perfect."

Clara stills Lauren's hands and frowns when she lets out a whine. "Lauren, you know you can grow out of these little ticks you have if you just try, but I never see you putting in any effort."

"I- I need them. I need to stim. It makes me- uh, feel better." Lauren pulls her hands out of her mom's grasp and thinks back to what Camila had told her – that Clara shouldn't try to change her. "Camz was right. She said that I shouldn't have to change to please anyone, and that includes you. It's not my fault that I'm different. But I am, and that's okay."