You and I » Lip Gallagher [1] {EDITING}

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YOU AND I
part 1 » "there's an addict that lives inside me..."

     There's an addict that lives inside me.

     She's dark and ominous and hides in the shadows, waiting. Waiting for me to give in. With her haunting bloodshot eyes, she models a sinister toothy grin, almost as if she knows I will give in. Her stringy hair hangs loosely over her bony shoulders while she plots her scheme. She licks her thin cracked lips as she waits hungrily. Hungry for attention. Hungry to feed her addiction. Hungry for me to give in.

     She's always there. Especially when no one else is. She never leaves. Part of me thinks she's always been there from the very start. Like it's biological, written in the stars. This is who I was supposed to succumb to. Something also tells me that she's never going to leave, not without taking me with her first.

     There are times when she disappears. Those are the times that I'm happiest. When I feel there's not a worry in the world. Like I'm on top of the world. The times I feel like everything's going to be okay. That's when she's quiet.

     Like when daddy use to sing to me. Or when Bobby Warren told me he loved me. Or when mom smiled at me.

     Then there are times when she's very much present. Screaming in my face, scratching at my soul, begging me to let her free. Those are the times that I'm the loneliest. When I feel heartbroken or stressed. The times I feel like things aren't going to be okay. That's when she's the loudest.

     Like when daddy left. Or when Bobby Warren broke my heart. Or when mom started abusing.

     Yeah, those were the moments I almost let her out. The moments that I almost let the world see my true colors. The ugly colors that I was born with.

     Until the day I break, she sits there with her arms crossed, tapping her bony feet. Waiting. Waiting for the day that Cash Elizabeth Monaco finally gives in.

     She'll wait until I give into my innate habit.

----

     I woke up in a sweat as the alarm on my watch blinked repeatedly in harmony with the annoying blare that sounded with it. 7:00.

     "Why is that SO loud, Cash?!" Kev screamed from his and Vee's bedroom upstairs. After a stupid fight with my birth giver, Vee let me crash on their couch. After mentally blocking out the ridiculous amount of moaning and strange beating noises, I managed to fall asleep on the lumpiness that was my bed for the night. Kev worked at the bar that's down the street from my Aunt's small apartment and Vee worked part time at the nursing home my mom use to work at. Even though they're sex crazed weirdos, I love and appreciate them for taking me in when no one else would.

     I grumbled before aggressively silencing my watch, destroying the reminder that today was another nail dragging Monday. Sunday Bloody Sunday? More like Monday bloody Monday.