I Can't Lose You

Chapter 53

*Lauren's POV*

+

After the holidays, we head out to Los Angeles, moving into our own apartment together.
One that Steven hasn't been stabbed in.
One where Jake hasn't barged in and threatened to rape me again.
One that I haven't been kidnapped in.
A fresh start, for both of us.
Well, the three of us. 
"Carter!" I laugh, covering my face with my hands. She splashes me with water again. "Stop splashing mommy!"
She just giggles as I splash her back.
Picking her up out of the bath, I catch her before she runs off naked. Keeping my legs around her little body, I dry her off. She smiles up at me when her face pops out from underneath the towel.
"Hi momma," she giggles.
"Hi baby," I kiss her nose.
"Lauren?" I hear Steven yell, as well as his feet running up the stairs.
"Oh," I act surprised. "Who's that?" I point to the door, just as Steven pops his head in.
"Daddy!" She wiggles her way out of my legs and over to Steven.
"Hi my girl," he bends down picking her up in just her towel. "Emily's episode is on." He says to me.
"Oh yeah!"
Jumping up, I run downstairs and turn on the tv.
Emily's episode of Law & Order: SVU. She's been talking about for the past two weeks as she's been shooting it, so of course I'm going to watch it.
Grabbing my phone, I FaceTime Emily.
"Ah! Are you watching it?!" She screams when her face pops up on my screen.
"Hell yeah!" I yell, turning up the volume on the tv. We sit in silence while we both watch the show, phones in our hands.
"Momma!" I hear from the top of the stairs.
"Pause," I tell Emily, pausing the tv. She nods, laughing as we both hear Carter running down the stairs, coming over to where I'm sitting on the couch.
"Hi peanut," I chuckle, looking at the outfit Steven dressed her in. A Michigan basketball t-shirt his parents sent as anearly birthday present, the same one Steven has. He even put her in the same sweatpants he has.
Carter wiggles her way on the couch, taking my phone from my hand.
"Hi Carter!" Emily smiles. Carter's face lights up, holding the phone closer to her mouth to speak.
"No Carter," I laugh, pulling my phone away so we can see Emily again. "Hold it back here, see then you can see Emily."
"Oh," she giggles touching the screen where Emily's face is. "Aunt Emmy!"
"How's my almost birthday girl?" Emily asks. I quickly shake my head, knowing what's coming next.
"Cake!" Carter yells, looking up at me.
"Sorry," Emily laughs.
"Not right now peanut," I say, kissing her forehead. "Still have two more months."
"Where's Steven?" Emily asks before Carter has a chance to ask for cake, again.
"Upstairs I think," I look down at Carter. "Where's daddy?" She points upstairs, turning her head as well when she hears his foot steps.
"Well never mind," I laugh, watching him walk over to us in the same exact outfit as Carter. "It's like the dryer magically enlarged Carter's clothes."
"Hey I had these first!" He laughs, kissing Carter on the forehead. "Plus, she wanted to be like daddy today. Isn't that right?" He picks her up. Turning the camera on my phone so Emily can see, I hear the sound of a screenshot being taken.
"It's just too cute not to," Emily laughs. Steven just shakes his head, walking with Carter on his hip into the kitchen.
"He's so good with her," she says. I nod, switching the camera back so she can see me. "You know, you should just have a baby with him."
"Oh my god."
"No I'm serious! Like imagine how cute it'd be!"
"Ha ha," I bite my lip, turning my head towards the kitchen.
"What?" She asks, worried. "Wait, are you?!"
"No no," I chuckle. "But I was... when I passed out on set and fell down the stairs, I was pregnant then..."
"What..." Emily breathes, her hand covering her mouth. "I remember Steven mentioning something like that but then the detective came in and told us they found you. I totally forgot once all that other shit happened. Oh my god, Lauren I'm so sorry!"
"I'm just scared, Emily," I cry, checking the kitchen to make sure they are still in there. "What if we do get pregnant and I lose it or something. I can't," I take a shaky breath. "Losing that baby took a piece out of me. And that's not the first time I've lost a baby. There was one before Carter, and losing that one broke me too. If something happens-"
"Nothing will happen," she interrupts.
"But if something does, I can't lose another piece again! I just can't!"
Emily sighs, running a hand through her hair while I quickly wipe a tear.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything," she breathes.
"No it's fine. Because you're right, we would make a cute kid."
She gives me a small smile, nodding.
"How about we get back to watching your episode?"

+

"Lauren," someone shakes my shoulder. Shooting up, I look around, confused. "You fell asleep." Steven chuckles.
Nodding slowly, I stand up, still confused.
I swear I wasn't tired while I was talking to Emily.
I don't even remember hanging up the phone.
"When did I fall asleep?" I ask, groggy.
"Maybe like a half hour, 45 minutes ago," Steven says, helping me upstairs. "You feeling okay?"
"Just tired all of a sudden," I nod, letting him know I'm okay. He helps me into bed. I look over at the clock as he tucks me in.
9:34 p.m.
"Where's my peanut?" I yawn.
"Did you not get enough sleep last night?"
I shrug, raising my eyebrows so he'll answer my question.
He chuckles, running his hand through his hair.
I wish it was my hand though.
Licking my lips, I shake my head, trying to concentrate on what he's saying.
"She's in her room, waiting for me to come tuck her in," he kisses my forehead, then heads toward the door. "But I told her hang tight while I went and got you from downstairs and turned everything off down there."
"Can you bring her in here?" I ask before he walks out the door. "I wanna say night before I fall asleep again."
He laughs a little, nodding as he walks out.
Him and Carter come back in a few minutes later.
"Momma!" She yells, jumping out of Steven's arms and onto the bed.
"Hi peanut!" I pull her into my arms. "You gonna be good and go to bed for daddy?"
"No," she giggles.
"What?!" Steven laughs, coming on the bed to tickle her.
"Daddy no!" She screams, trying to escape my grasp.
"What's that?" He puts his hand to his ear. "I didn't hear the magic word!" He laughs, tickling her belly.
"Pweas daddy!" She laughs. Steven backs off, also laughing.
"Alright time for bed," I kiss her head. "Good night baby, I love you."
"Wuv you too momma," she places a sloppy kiss on my cheek. Steven picks her up, swinging her over his shoulder. I hear her giggling the whole way to her room.
Listening to the two of them laugh in her room, I close my eyes, drifting back to sleep until Steven comes back in.
"For real, are you okay?" He asks, taking his jeans and shirt off. "You're already falling back asleep and it's barely ten."
"I'm just tired," I say, my eyes still closed. "I don't know, maybe I'm coming down with something."
I have no clue what's going on with me. Ever since we got back about two weeks ago, I'm becoming tired earlier in the evening than normal.
"You too tired to fool around?" Steven whispers in my ear, snaking his arms around my middle. Nodding, I grind my ass into his groin, earning a moan from him. "Don't tease." He growls, pinching my ass as he does.
"Ow!" I chuckle, flipping over so we're chest to chest. "I'm sorry, I'm just too tired."
"It's okay," he kisses my nose. "I'm just gonna take a cold shower then."
Laughing, I watch him hurry out of the bed, but he runs over to my side. Bending down, he kisses me on the lips, smiling into it.
"Good night," he says, still smiling. "I know you'll be sleeping when I get out of the shower.
"Good night," I laugh.
I'm almost back to sleep by the time the water in the shower turns on.

+