The Writer's Handbook - Write & Publish Like Industry Professionals

SHOW vs TELL

If you haven't yet come across the phrase 'Show versus tell', now is as good a time as any to become familiar with it, because if you don't, you can bet your boots it will come up again and again during your writing journey. You'll see it in reviews, comments, and feedback from beta readers and editors. Better to get this one under your writing belt sooner rather than later. It will save you a ton of edit and rewrites later on.

So, what's the difference between show and tell?

Showing is when a writer takes the reader into the story, immersing them into the narrative as though they are experiencing the events in the story firsthand through the character's POV. 

For example:  The blistering heat of the midday sun seared Casey's shoulders. He glared at the relentless blue of the sky as he rammed his spade into the unforgiving earth, wishing for the hundredth time for the respite of a cloud.

Telling is when a writer just describes the scene, there is no immersion or connection to the story, leaving the reader alienated, and often bored.

For example: The sun was hot on Casey's shoulders. He dug his spade into the soil and wished a cloud would come.

Another way to think of telling is to imagine a child playing pretend. The way they speak out loud is the same as telling in writing. They are working out the story as they go. Because they are children, they lack the maturity to immerse into the feelings, emotions, experience and desires of their toys. All they can do is move them around: static, two-dimensional puppets fulfilling the roles of the characters in the storyboard playing out in the child's mind.

A telling writer does the same thing. They move their two-dimensional characters around the storyline, oftentimes putting them through unbelieveable, unrealistic circumstances; giving away their lack of connection to their characters' unique identities. The vital question to ask is: how would a real person react to such circumstances? If the discrepancy between what is happening to the characters and how a real person would react is vast, then that is a pretty good indication the story is telling. Telling usually verges on, if not outright lands in the land of pure make believe. If there is no onus on the writer to write believeable characters, then they can write pretty much anything, forcing their characters to do one thing one chapter and the complete opposite the next as they drive the story along according to their will (cue the four year old playing pretend).

This is much more common than one might imagine. A very popular trope where this type of writing is rampant is the captured princess/lord's daughter turned slave, which very soon turns into a barely concealed erotic fiction. In this trope, there is a female character who is captured by an enemy male (usually some kind of warrior/soldier), and usually in a fake historical past, loosely used as the setting but otherwise completely inaccurate in every other way. The warrior brutally and maliciously kills her whole family in front of her, and maybe her dog as well, ransacks and burns down her house/village/palace, ties her up and takes her prisoner, treating her with disdain and cruelty. But, all of a sudden, in the next chapter, she is his personal slave and already fancying him (despite all the trauma she has suffered, and is still suffering: loss of freedom, hunger, enforced slavery, her injuries still raw). Incredibly, though, shortly thereafter, despite these realistic factors, she is in his bed, writhing in ecstasy as he more or less rapes her. 

There is no way in any reality that this would happen unless the woman was hit so hard in the head she lost all her memories and forgot her identity and then believed every lie he told her to get her into his bed (which by the way, would make an interesting read, with quite a high level of tension). But failing that path, it's far better to approach such a trope with the same beginning, but instead craft a long, slow burn that goes from enmity, to adventure, to the warrior saving her from danger and developing feelings for her. Move on to his remorse, his struggle to win her over, the growth of their feelings, with a good solid setback threatening to undo all his efforts, until the ultimate moment they fall in love at the height of the crisis point (which should happen around the 85% mark of the book, not the 12% mark). The resolution from 95% onward should focus on their struggle to go forward despite how it all began. That's showing. Same story, but what a difference. And if it's set in a historical period, it's always best to get those details right, it makes for a far more polished, believable story. If we can find the bones of a story like this in the history books, even better, tell their story, bring it to life!

The most important aspect of showing is letting the reader build the narrative in their minds, so the choice of words are crucial. If your character is beautiful, don't say Elizabeth is beautiful, and in particular don't have Elizabeth tell us herself she is beautiful without any outside corroboration. That's just lazy, and not really reliable. Why should we trust her opinion? For all we know she's a full-blown narcissist. Rather, we need description. Paint a picture for us what she really looks like. And it's always best to have that description come from another character whilst in their POV. A good trick is to weave physical descriptions of characters around action, so it doesn't come across as tell-y.

For example: Bella envied the way Elizabeth entered the room, her easy elegance and casual grace reminded Bella of a cat. But Elizabeth's charismatic presence was another thing altogether. If anyone had star quality, it was Elizabeth, though she seemed oblivious to it. Bella eyed her rival as Elizabeth made her way across the room and took a seat at one of the tables overlooking the dance floor. Even the way Elizabeth walked was mesmerizing, like watching water slide around rocks in a stream. Bella knocked back her wine, envy seeping from her. Why did Elizabeth have to be so perfect? She caught the other woman smiling up at the waiter, her dark eyes shining with warmth, her smile a little crooked, though it only added to her charm, her imperfection somehow making her more alluring. (and so on...)

And finally, a couple of pro tips. First, if you are using the word 'was' in a sentence, re-read it carefully. Chances are you might be telling. 'Was' has an irresistible tendency to turn up in telling. 'Was' has its uses, so don't ban it altogether, just keep an eye out for it, since it's an easy way to keep tabs on those pesky tell-y sentences.

Second, ensure your characters are believeable. Keep an eye on the way the story is unfolding. Are your characters behaving in a consistent way? Or are you forcing the story onto them, twisting them into pretzels? The story needs to be told through them, not the other way around (ie. not through the writer, using the characters as puppets). If you follow this formula, you will automatically feel the need to show. It comes naturally because you are telling the story through them. As it turns out, most characters actually have quite a lot to say. You just need to take the time to listen.