Schism

Chapter 4 part 1

Chapter 4

The clothes were dry.  Finally, he was warm.

With his feet sheltered by the worn boots, William's stagger had evolved to a more steady walk and he crossed the street quickly to another alley.

This way, The Caretaker said.

The Advisor and The Hunter walked at his side, with The Caretaker in the lead.  William tried to push back the fog, to orient himself to the streets he had grown up in, with no result.  He thought Jessica's apartment was in the other direction, but he couldn't be sure in the fog.  He followed the voices a few steps more.

Down the alley was a parking lot and what looked like a small grocery store.  The pang of hunger at the thought of food gave him something to focus on, brought more color to his surroundings and shadowed the intensity of the voices.

The Caretaker led him around to the back of the store and stopped at a dumpster.

William looked up.  Nothing to climb to.  Nothing on the roof far above.

You need food.  You are hungry, The Caretaker said.

He followed her arm.  She was pointing at the dumpster.

There is food inside.

The Advisor stepped up.  It is fresh. Clean.

William looked between them, then to The Hunter as he prowled by.  "No."  He looked back down the alley.  He needed to be at Jessica's apartment, needed to be there to protect her.

The Caretaker stepped closer to him.  You need to eat.

The Hunter joined in.  You need to be strong.

William turned from them all.  They were right.  Without food, he wouldn't be able to protect her from anything.  But this wasn't food.  It was trash.  He clutched at the dumpster's lid and tightened his fingers until the sharp edge pressed into his palms.  The Hunter stepped up, but William leaned in, closer to the pain, nearer to the rusted metal and the old, rancid odors.  They gave him a focus.  He dove into the sensations and the fog wilted.  After a moment it had dissipated.

He kept his grip to ward the voices away.  His head sagged down to the lid, between his hands.  Even years ago, the voices wouldn't have listened.  They protected him, helped him.  But they had always been poor company, had never responded to his requests.

And now, they wanted him to eat like this, out of the trash.

"Leave."  William leaned down further against the dumpster.  "Just leave me alone."

An image of Jess formed in his eyes.  First, in the white room, where she held his hand and smiled, without meaning it.  He pushed that image away, went back further.  He found one of the two of them walking and of a smile that was real.

It was for her.  William knew that.  The voices had made him attack the doctor who wouldn't let him out.  They had pulled him out here for Jess, because somehow, she needed him.  But he didn't understand how yet.  He assumed she needed his protection, as Mary had in the hospital room.  But from what?  The voices wouldn't tell him what she needed protection from, only that she needed him. 

But that wasn't what was hurting him.

He sank to his knees, turned his back against the dumpster and closed his eyes.  He knew what the voices had meant when they had said that she needed him.  It was about what she needed, not what she wanted.  She still didn't want him, and wouldn't want him like this, commanded by the voices and eating trash.  He could escape the hospital, be here to watch and protect her, but he wouldn't get her back this way.