Watchers

Chapter 12: Civil Blood Makes Civil Hands Unclean

There are quite a few more people in the hallway by the time Sasha emerges from her shower. They're all heading toward the great hall, which has been set up with the folding tables for dinner. Sasha thinks petulantly that she would be a darn good table setter-upper if she could figure out a way to swap jobs with someone. In fact, she'd be happy to do almost anything except for garbage sorting.

She's managed to get a little bit of her appetite back - she can still pick up the faint scent of rotting trash, but now that she's had a chance to cleanse herself beneath a scalding shower head, it's easier to ignore. She gets in line for food and finds Jane with a ladle in her hand.

"Hi, sweetie," Jane says. "How was your day?"

She's grinning as she dumps a generous portion of stew into a bowl and hands it to Sasha. She looks better than she has all year, and even though they haven't been here long, the change that has come over Jane is remarkable. As Sasha accepts the bowl, she wonders whether she herself has changed here.

There are people waiting behind Sasha and they're pushing the line steadily forward, so she just says, "It's been a long day."

Jane looks upset at this answer, but Sasha doesn't get a chance to explain. The line advances and she carries her bowl of stew on a cafeteria tray to the edge of the great room. Daniel is sitting alone at one of the tables and he waves her over.

"You want to sit at the cool kids' table?" he asks with a grin as she approaches, kicking one of the folding chairs away from the table for her.

She barely has the energy to tease him as she sits down and says, "No, that's okay. I'll sit with you instead."

"Ouch," he says, but Sasha is grateful to have someone to sit with - she's only known him for a day, but Daniel is already starting to feel familiar to her, like a security blanket.

"What did you do today?" she asks as she takes off her soft sweater and throws it over the back of the chair next to her to save it for Jane.

"Not much," he says. "The nurse wanted to see me to make sure I wasn't going to croak, I guess. Then they took me to this little TV room where I think they must stick all the old people who can't contribute. We watched The Elimination Game all day and it was miserable."

"Not more miserable than mine, I bet," Sasha says, just as Jane comes over and joins them.

Jane digs into her bowl of stew and lets out a long moan of pleasure, saying, "I've been waiting all day to taste this. What kind of misery are you two betting on?"

"That I had a worse day than Daniel," Sasha says.

"Why, what job assignment did they give you?" Jane asks around a mouthful of meat and potatoes.

"Recycling," Sasha says. "Can't you smell it on me?"

"No," Jane says, and Daniel makes a show of sniffing at Sasha's clothes.

"You smell fine to me," he says, then picks up his spoon and starts picking at the stew in front of him.

"Well, that's a relief," Sasha says. "Either way, though, I can't stand another day of that. I sorted through rotting trash for hours and hours and the urge to gag never got any less intense. I have to get out of here."

"You're not going to be on trash duty forever," Jane points out. "Just stick it out and I'm sure they'll assign you to a better job."

"It's not worth it," Sasha says. "I'd rather stand on the freeway exit all day long with my toes going numb than sort through other people's rancid trash for another minute."

"I wouldn't," Jane says, looking at Sasha as if she's insane. "I'd rather work in a nice, warm kitchen. The potatoes are never going to choke me out and leave me for dead in some dark alley."

"What about you?" Sasha asks Daniel, looking for backup. "Are you going to stay here indefinitely just because there's a hot meal and a cot waiting for you?"

Daniel looks immediately back down at his bowl, color coming to his cheeks.

"What?" Sasha asks.

"I have a medical condition," he says, "and I haven't had my medication in a couple of months. The nurse I saw today said she could get it for me."

He looks suddenly shifty, like he can't wait to get off this topic of conversation, but Sasha can't help herself. She says, "Father Gary said your dad is a congressman - if that's true, you should be able to get whatever you need without making yourself beholden to the shelter."

"I can't go home right now," Daniel says, still looking sort of guilty.

The door at the far end of the great room opens and Father Gary comes in, making his rounds during dinner today instead of waiting until the tables have all been cleared from the floor. He glances toward Sasha's table and she instinctively lowers her voice as she asks, "Why do you think they're feeding us and sheltering us and giving us clothes? Surely it's not out of the goodness of their hearts."

"It's a homeless shelter," Jane objects. "It's their mission. 'For He will deliver the needy, and blessed is the one who is kind to them.'"

"Yeah, yeah, I heard the radio advertisement," Sasha says, dismissing this explanation. "It just doesn't sit right with me."

She glances at Daniel and she can tell he agrees. Father Gary walks past their table and they both focus on their bowls while Jane sits up straighter and shoots the priest a smile. He continues walking up the aisle between the tables until Old Man Catchphrase grabs his robes in one feeble, shaking hand.

Father Gary pauses and Sasha watches as the old man says to him, "Civil blood makes civil hands unclean."

The priest just looks at him for a moment, unsure how to respond, and then he pats the old man's hand, pries his robes away, and says, "Bless you, sir."

Then he continues walking, a little quicker now.

Sasha's attention is brought back around to the table when Daniel says abruptly, "It's testosterone."

"What?" she asks.

"The medication that the nurse offered to get me," he says. "It's testosterone. I've been on hormone replacement therapy since I was a teenager and I haven't been able to get testosterone for over two months."

His cheeks are crimson by now and he looks like he's nearing a state of panic. Sasha hasn't met many trans people who actually had the means to medically transition so she's surprised by this, but it's Jane who blurts a response this time.

"You really are loaded, aren't you?" she says with an arched eyebrow. "What the blazes are you doing here?"

"It's not my money," he says, and before he can explain further, Sasha interrupts.

"That doesn't set off alarm bells for you?" she asks in a whisper, keeping an eye on Father Gary as he circulates at the far end of the room. "How much does that stuff cost, anyway? And they're going to get it for you just because?"

"I know," Daniel says, and now she understands the guilty look he'd been wearing earlier.

She sets down her spoon and says, "You two can do what you want - I'm out of here just as soon as Father Gary stops skulking through this room. I'd rather worry about where my next meal is coming from than constantly wonder why strangers are being nice to me."