Loving the Nerd ⚣

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Everest

He ended the phone call.

I stood in the middle of my room, staring at my phone and the photo of Cole Parker I had made as my background. It was in class, I had tried to take a sneaky photo of him but he caught me and made a silly face, his eyes scrunched together and a big smile on his face. Somehow a photo of Cole managed to light up my entire day. I knew I didn't deserve what we had, even though it only lasted a moment.

Unsure of what to do with myself, I climbed into bed and pulled the covers over my head. I left my phone under my pillow, not wanting to be contacted by anyone other than Cole. While I could hope he would call me back, I knew I didn't deserve it.

Everything I had said poured out of me uncontrollably, like water through a broken flood gate. Once I was destabilised, there was no stopping the lies and excuses I would make to protect myself and try put things back together. Except this time the usual calm that came creeping over me from successfully hiding my identity, escaped me. I felt hollow and empty and stupid. I felt so stupid for what I had done and said, not only because of how much it hurt Cole. It also hurt me—as selfish as that sounded. Here I was, having to shove myself back into the claustrophobic closet because I was afraid to stand up to my mother. I didn't know why every confrontation with her resulted in a flight response from me when I wanted nothing more than to fight. Fight for myself, for who I was—for Cole. I wanted him in my life and yet I shut him out the moment the road got bumpy.

I didn't go to football training, figuring I would probably be sitting on the sidelines for most of it, anyway. Despite having not exerted much physical activity, I felt exhausted. My body was heavy and the longer I stayed in bed, the less I wanted to get up and do anything. Moving seemed like a chore, going and having a shower to wash off the day seemed near impossible, and joining my parents for dinner was the last thing I wanted to do. I just wanted to lie here until things got better.

I lay under my bed covers until it was dark out, then I finally peeled back the cotton cocoon and inhaled a breath of fresh air. Cole hadn't contacted me and I stared at my phone, silently begging for him to ring. I knew I could always call him. I could tell him how sorry I was and that I didn't mean what I said, but that would just be me frantically trying to save the very thing I sabotaged. The best way to say you were sorry was to change. And it was clear I hadn't done much of that.

A knock on my door pulled me out of my wallowing and I rubbed my forearm over my eyes.

"What?" I said.

"It's me," dad replied.

"Okay."

"Can I come in?"

I sat myself up, blinking to clear the foggy feeling in my head. "No."

"Ev, come on, talk to me. You've been crying in there for hours, let's talk it out."

While I was longing for company, the last thing I wanted to do was talk about today. "Thanks, but no thanks," I said.

"I hate to say this, Ev, but I've had to call emergency services."

"Nooo, not emergency services," I groaned.

I only had time to switch my bedside lamp on before my bedroom door was flung open and I caught sight of my best friend.